Women cheating on men

How Many Years After Marrying Do Women Start Cheating?

VictoriaMilan, a leading dating site connecting attached adults for discrete extramarital affairs, reveals the average length of time between women getting married and conducting affairs.

When undertaking this research, Victoria Milan assessed figures from across multiple continents and countries. The study covered adult women of all ages, and collated the average age of women cheating and their age at marriage.

Average Age of Women Cheating Around the World

The differences in age of women embarking on affairs varies considerably from one country to another. In the UK, the majority of women (30 percent) cheating on their partner were aged between 25 and 29, while in Finland just 15 percent of women cheating fell into the same age range.

However, while younger ladies may have accounted for a higher percentage in the UK, more mature women in other countries were having extramarital relations. In Spain, the most common age for women having affairs was found to be aged between 40 and 44, while in Hungary, the most common age group for women cheating on their partners was 45 to 49.

Average Time Between Marriage and Affairs

The research revealed that women in different countries sought passion outside their own marriages at varying lengths of time after tying the knot.

In Europe, the country with the shortest period from nuptials to affairs was Ireland, with just 3.6 years, having married at 30.8 on average.

Continuing with Europe, Sweden’s married women waited 4.1 years after the ceremony before having an affair. The UK’s women cheated after 4.4 years of marriage.

In the USA, women started having affairs after 8.5 years of marriage, and the average age was 35.5. Further north, in Canada, women embarked on affairs after 6.7 years (with an average cheating age of 35.8).

In South America, women were found to cheat after 7.4 years, with an average age of 33.4.

South Africa’s women, meanwhile, left 6.8 years between marriage and their affairs (cheating at 35.8).

At a global level, the average age of women having affairs was 36.6, while the average age of marriage was 29. This makes the length of time between marriage and cheating 7.6 years.

“What do these findings teach us?” said Sigurd Vedal, founder of Victoria Milan. “That women at a global level are, on average, seeking new lovers between 7 and 8 years after marriage.

“Married women start having affairs for various reasons. Perhaps their husband is not giving them the attention and respect they deserve. Perhaps they still love their partners, but the spark has vanished from their marriage. Alternatively, they may have an open relationship, and both have affairs to satisfy their physical needs whilst still sharing a tight emotional bond.

“Whatever the reason, having an affair can help married women rediscover their zest for live, their sensuality, and the physical passion they may miss. These are universal needs, and craving sexual pleasure is something billions of us have in common – no matter how many other differences we may well have.”

For more information, please contact [email protected]

VictoriaMilan is one of the world’s leading discreet social networks for men and women seeking a secret affair. The service was launched by happily married media executive, Mr. Sigurd Vedal, in 2010, and has today become one of the world’s fastest-growing and leading social networks for discreet extramarital affairs, surpassing 5.8 million members worldwide in more than 33 countries.

© Provided by Bauer Media Pty Ltd Why do women cheat? Here, sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer reveals the 10 most common reason women have affairs.

It’s a cold hard truth that each of us have likely been touched by an affair or cheating in one way or another.

Whether we’ve only seen it on big screen, heard a friend’s teary tale or been the one doing the sneaking around, an affair is a concept only too familiar.

As to why a man or woman might stray from their partner, well, there’d be countless reasons.

We reached out to sex therapist and educator, Jacqueline Hellyer, to find out what these may be.

“A large proportion of the clients I see are dealing with affairs, and the majority of those are married women who have had an affair, are having an affair, are on the brink of succumbing to an affair or are flirting with the idea of having an affair.

So it’s very common.

In my own clinical experience, these are some of the reasons women have affairs.

These reasons don’t excuse it, and many of the reasons don’t really make sense, but here they are.

Some women have affairs for primarily sexual reasons

1. Her husband has lost interest in having sex with her;

2. She’s bored sexually and her husband isn’t adventurous enough;

3. Her husband is a sexual bully and she’s found a man who is tender and loving;

4. Her husband is too soft a lover and she’s found a ‘bad boy’;

5. She loves her husband but has lost interest in him sexually;

6. Her husband doesn’t make her feel sexy and her lover does.

While other women have affairs for primarily emotional reasons

7. She’s stressed and overwhelmed and the affair is a bubble of peace;

8. Her husband is critical and hurtful, and her lover is kind and loving;

9. Her life is boring and the affair makes it more stimulating;

10. Her husband is distant and her lover provides the intimacy she craves.

© Provided by Bauer Media Pty Ltd Scarlett Johansson’s character has an affair in the movie Match Point.

No doubt there are many more reasons – as many reasons as there are adulterous women!

What’s the common thread here? She’s unhappy. She’s either unhappy in her relationship, or she’s unhappy with her life and her relationship is not supporting her to address her unhappiness.

So, if you want to move on from an affair then you need to address the root cause of the unhappiness and turn that around.

That will undoubtedly include personal issues, relationship issues and lifestyle issues. Without addressing those underlying causes, no matter how remorseful she might be, if the problem is still there, then there’s a risk she’ll do it again (or do something else damaging such as become an alcoholic or overeat.)

Of course, if the husband knows, you need to address his hurt. He has been betrayed and trust is gone. It can seem impossible to move on from that. But you can, if the remorse is there and the underlying issues are addressed.

© Provided by Bauer Media Pty Ltd How does one come back from an affair? Read on to find out.

An affair can even make you stronger as you become more self-aware, better able to communicate and better able to deal with difficult issues.

When dealing with an affair it’s a double whammy of difficult issues – the deceit and the underlying cause.

There’s no one way of dealing with an affair, and you probably will never quite ‘understand’ it.

Affairs are rarely cold and calculating, they are more likely irrational and emotional. Often in retrospect they look ridiculous, but at the time they make you feel better, and that is the attraction, the intoxication, of affairs.

How you deal with it will depend on you as individuals and as a couple.

You need to be strong and committed, as it’s usually quite a process. You have to be prepared to both be more honest and more vulnerable than you have ever been before. All the illusions are gone, it’s time to be real.

Once you get real though, positive change can occur, and you have the opportunity to create a truly great relationship.”

‘Divorce is like going through a terrible recession’

Love & Money is a MarketWatch series looking at how our relationship with money impacts our relationships with significant others, friends and family.

Kit, 49, an English professor from Minnesota, who married in 1996, says staying married makes more financial sense. However, he says he has grown bored in his marriage.

He met his wife in college, and was drawn to her assertive and sarcastic personality. But years into their marriage Kit says he felt like his wife became demeaning and unkind. They were never able to reach a compromise. They fought constantly, and he grew to resent her.

‘It never occurred to me that I’d have an affair. It just happened. I don’t think either of us saw it coming.’

“She wanted a great big fancy house, I wanted a little house so we could travel more. In the end, we got a big fancy house. It was pretty clear that if I didn’t give in to what she wanted every time it was a constant battle of you give in, and then you resent it,” he said.

They had a sexless marriage for five years. One weekend in 2015, during a work trip, Kit had his first affair with a colleague.

“It never occurred to me that I’d have an affair. It just happened. I don’t think either of us saw it coming,” he said. He wife later found out by reading messages on his iPad. Kit moved out, and they started couples therapy a year later.

Electronics regularly pop up in divorce cases, experts say. Over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, and more than a third of divorce filings contained the word Facebook, according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a legal services firm.

Don’t miss: Millions of Americans keep this dirty secret from their partner

Cheating has arguably gotten easier. Dating sites like DiscreetAdventures.com cater to married men and women, and apps like Snapchat SNAP, -2.65% and Slingshot allow adulterers to send messages that disappear on arrival. But technology cuts both ways: There are apps that also allow suspicious spouses to track their partner’s online activity. (Ironically, couples that met on an online dating site and married were less likely to split, according to a 2013 study published in the journal “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.”)

Kit, who preferred to withhold his last name, kept his affairs private, and lives separately in a one-bedroom apartment paying $385 a month for rent. He’s spent around $50 a month on dating sites to meet women, $200 a month on grooming and new clothes, and around $100 a month on dinners and drinks he will typically split with his date.

Kit says divorce is off the table because he and his wife ran into some financial trouble after a flood destroyed their home around the time they separated. Paying for their daughter’s private school tuition is also the priority right now over hiring divorce lawyers.

The average affairs costs around $444 per month. Infidelity is the most common reason divorcees choose to end a marriage, result in 37% divorces.

He’s currently in a relationship with a married woman. He’ll spend $25 on gas to see his partner, and he has spent $100 on gifts and Champagne. A recent outing at a casino cost $110 a night. For a room, and on each date Kit spends between $75 to $100, he says.

He’s not alone. About one in five men and women admitted to cheating on their partners, according to a survey of more than 70,000 adults by MSNBC. com.

Men are more likely to commit infidelity, according to a recent survey from Private investigator company Trustify. Out of the 200 people polled, 36% of male respondents, and 21% of women said they cheated on their partner. The findings showed that 40% of male participants said their marriages ended following the infidelity, while only 19% of women said their marriages ended in divorce, regardless of the unfaithful spouse.

Men and women cite different reasons for being unfaithful. Some 14% of men cited the lack of sexual satisfaction in their marriages and desire for more attention as a reason for cheating. For women, 22% said the reason they were unfaithful was a desire for revenge on a cheating partner, according to the survey.

Also see: 5 apps for spying on your spouse

The average affair costs around $2,664, or $444 per month, according to a survey by discount code site VoucherCloud. All those hotel rooms, travel, dinners and gifts add up. But the most costly expense related to infidelity stems from divorce. Indeed, infidelity is the most common reason divorcees choose to end a marriage, providing the basis for 37% of divorces, according to a 2014 report from the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, a conservative think-tank.

People are also more likely to prepare for the unmentionable: Infidelity and divorce. In one survey of 1,600 members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, some 63% of attorneys said they’ve seen an increase in the number of clients seeking prenuptial agreements.

‘Divorce is like going through a terrible recession. Often couples must split their assets in half which feels like losing 50% of your wealth.’

Protection of property that was owned by one spouse before the marriage was the most popular stipulation of the prenups the lawyers saw (80%), followed by alimony/spousal maintenance (77%) and division of all property bought during the marriage (72%).

Eve Helitzer, a matrimonial attorney in New York City, says that because people are marrying later, they’ve often accumulated significant assets by the time they wed, making a prenup more desirable. What’s more, they may want to keep the family business out of reach of a future spouse in the event of a divorce, Helitzer says. Rising property prices may also encourage people to consider signing a prenup.

Marriages, themselves, are an investment. Aside from the thousands of dollars a couple may have spent on a wedding, nurturing the relationship at the core of a marriage typically involves a great deal of time and money. Engaging in an extramarital affair is like throwing that investment away. “It’s a waste of money if you’re not willing to make your partner the priority in your life,” said Tom Gagliano, author of “The Problem Was Me” and life coach.

The average divorce’s price tag is $15,000 in legal fees, according to legal information site Nolo.com. “Divorce is like going through a terrible recession,” said Sterling Neblett, a certified financial planner and founding partner of Centurion Wealth Management in McLean, Va. “Often couples must split their assets in half which feels like losing 50% of your wealth.”

Many Americans appear to be “monogomish” — that is, they would cheat if they knew they could get away with it, according to a survey of 1,000 people carried out in July by the USA Network. While 82% professed “zero tolerance” for cheating, 81% still said they would cheat if there were no consequences.

Parenthood appears to be one major motivator of infidelity, the study found. Some 55% of married couples with children agreed that “marriage is more difficult than I thought it would be,” compared with 34% of couples without children.

Marriages are an investment. Aside from the thousands of dollars a couple may have spent on a wedding, nurturing the relationship typically involves a great deal of time and money.

Elizabeth and her husband is one married couple who agreed to meet other people for sexual encounters, but they only agreed to do so together.

She met her husband when she was a freshman in college in 1999. He lived a half hour away in central Illinois and would bring flowers when he’d come to visit her at school. She was attracted to his “take-charge” personality, a refreshing change from her ex who she says was too much of a pushover.

“He’d come up on the weekend. We spent a lot of time in the bedroom,” Elizabeth, who preferred to withhold her last name, told MarketWatch. “We’d go out to eat and hang out with his friends. We never really dated. He’d call every other night and we’d talk on the phone for a couple of hours.”

He proposed a year later, but Elizabeth, who was studying to be a teacher, insisted on finishing her degree before tying the knot. They got married in 2003. “We were the family with the white picket fence, kids and a dog,” she says. “I was working as a teacher and I’d come home had have supper cooked for him. I was the homemaker. I kind of let all of my girlfriends go and my friends became his.”

See also: Meet the wives whose husbands committed white-collar financial crimes

After they had their son in 2008, they both got bored in their romantic relationship.

“Both of us were each other’s firsts sexually. We kind of wondered what other people would be like,” she says, adding that they started swinging in 2008 using a dating site for married couples, and occasionally posted ads on Craigslist.

“We found out that we weren’t actually physically attracted to each other like we thought we were, and sex was so much better with other people. We liked completely polar opposite things in the bedroom,” Elizabeth admits.

Elizabeth met another man at a gas station she frequented on her commute to the school she worked at an hour away from home. He asked for her number.

“I didn’t stop and say, ‘Hey I’m married.’ I was like, ‘OK, yeah.’ I came to find out he was married too. We kind of stumbled into this affair where my husband didn’t know,” she says.

They met in his house when their respective partners were at work, she says. “He was the cheapest of all the affairs,” she recalls of not having to spend money on hotel rooms or more than $10 on gas everyday.

‘We were the family with the white picket fence, kids and a dog. I was working as a teacher and I’d come home had have supper cooked for him. I was the homemaker.’

That affair lasted six months, but ended when he got a divorce and expected Elizabeth to do the same. She wasn’t planning on it. Instead, she told her husband about the affair. It put a rift in their marriage for years. They stayed married, but agreed to live financially separate lives. They had separate bank accounts, and split the bills.

“From that point on it was very easy for him not to see the cost of my affairs and for me not to see the cost of his,” she says. “We had a huge blow out fight yelling and screaming.”

Elizabeth joined another dating site for married couples that costs between $35 and $89 to message other people. “The main cost is hotels,” says Elizabeth, who has racked up bills between $62 and $190 a night. She’s offered to split the costs each time, but says her partner’s usually pay the tab.

Elizabeth says divorce is not an option for her. “I honestly love my husband. I do. He and I are like best friends who live together. We have two children together. Though we’re not financially tied together, we have a farm house on five acres on land. We built this life together.”

For his part, Kit knows what he’s doing is wrong, but says he has no regrets about his affairs, and plans to pursue a divorce from his wife when he can afford a lawyer.

“I spent 20 years in a marriage thinking I was trying to do it right and make it work. Life is too short to feel that way about things. If you have a partner who doesn’t want to be an equal partner it’s time to move on.”

(Jacob Passy and Quentin Fottrell contributed to this story.)

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If you want to understand what women want, don’t ask them about their relationships; ask them about their affairs.

In writing my book The State of Affairs, I came to realize again and again that illicit relationships offer a window like no other into the mysteries of female desire. Perhaps this is because, in the context of marriage and committed relationships, women are still accustomed to doing things according to cultural norms and expectations — whether due to pressure, obligation, or simply as part of a trade-off.

What women do in marriage tells us less about what they want than about what they value. In their affairs, however, we get a penetrating glimpse into their free will. Far be it from me to justify infidelity, but as a seeker of truth, I have come to find the truth often hides in places that are less comfortable.

A woman I’ll call Madison, 31, has been living with a man I’ll call Steve for almost five years. They met at the Brooklyn coworking space where she runs her startup. She tells me that she loves Steve and still believes they’ll get married and have a family in a few years’ time. But two months ago, she reconnected with her college boyfriend on Facebook, and they’ve been hooking up.

When I inquire as to why, she tells me that in the last year, she has lost interest in sex. “I used to be so into Steve,” she says. “And I was often the one who’d jump on him when he came through the door. But then it just became such an effort, I couldn’t muster it up. It really freaked me out. I’d do it because he wanted to, and sometimes I’d get into it, but mostly I felt numb. I reached out to my old flame to find out if I had really lost that part of myself.”

Madison discovered that her playful, erotic self was far from dead. In my conversations with her, we explore the fact that she often finds it difficult to hold on to her own identity in the context of her relationships. In her affair, however, she knows for a fact that she is doing what she actually wants. She’s not taking care of anybody; this is just for her. Secrecy becomes her pathway to autonomy. She is no longer playing a culturally sanctioned role — the nice girl, the girlfriend, the wife, the mother. Through talking to women like Madison about their affairs, I’ve observed a few themes about their sexuality:

1. Women tire of monogamy faster than men.

One of the most widely held beliefs about women’s sexuality is that it is rooted in security and commitment.

It’s commonly thought that men are not really wired for monogamy while women are more naturally inclined to be content with commitment or exclusiveness. Men, the theory goes, need novelty and variety in order to feel turned on, while women need closeness and attachment. Researcher Marta Meana invites us to question this assumption.

If it were true that women’s sexuality is primarily dependent on relational connectedness — love, commitment, and security — then shouldn’t sex be thriving in loving, committed relationships? But too often, it’s not. Take Madison, for example, and the countless other women like her who’ve reached out to me in recent years. In many cases, though surely not all, when the spark dies, it’s a woman who shuts down first and loses interest in her partner — male or female.

Meana suggests that in fact, “Women may be just as turned on as men by the novel, the illicit, the raw, the anonymous, but the arousal value of these may not be important enough to women to trade in things they value more (i.e., emotional connectedness).” As I have often said, our emotional needs and our erotic needs do not always neatly align. But women are well trained to put their emotional needs ahead of their erotic needs — they have much to gain from choosing stable relationships over sexual pleasure. It doesn’t surprise me that Madison still intends to marry Steve — but it also doesn’t surprise me that she’s reconnected with the ex who wasn’t “husband material.”

For the Thrill of the Affair: Why Married Women Cheat

When women cheat, its often considered a scandal, and never has cheating been as easy as it is now, when finding a willing partner is click or a phone tap away.
But what drives women to cheat? And do they stray as much and for the same reasons as men?
Watch the full story on “Nightline” tonight at 12:35 a.m. ET
Katherine, whose name has been changed, said she and her husband were married for 14 years. After undergoing major weight loss and multiple plastic surgeries, she began looking for excitement outside of what she said was a stale marriage and turned to AshleyMadison.com, the notorious dating website for casual encounters.
I was feeling very lonely one night, Katherine said. I was bored, on my phone in the parking lot, sitting in my car, pulled up AshleyMadison, and decided to open my first profile to see what would happen.
AshleyMadison.coms motto is life is short, have an affair. Noel Biderman, the author of “Adultropology: The Cyber-Anthropology Behind Infidelity,” started the site more than 10 years ago. He said he makes more than $40 million a month from it.
Were the second-biggest dating service on the planet, Biderman said. This is not a kids game. This is an enterprise of significance.
Biderman and his wife Amanda Biderman, who rarely gives interviews, agreed to sit down with Nightline to discuss his website and their marriage. She said when he first told her about the idea for the site, she was leery.
I wanted to make sure he wasnt having a mid-life crisis, Amanda Biderman said. Then I got to understand it more and thought it was interesting.
Noel Biderman said he has built a billion dollar business betting on infidelity, and now has 25 million members in 37 countries, but doesnt believe he is encouraging people to cheat, just providing one outlet.
Long before I launched AshleyMadison there were affairs, and long after Im gone there will be affairs, Biderman said. What Im trying to do is help people have the more perfect affair.
Im encouraging secrecy, yes, he added, but Im not necessarily encouraging infidelity. I dont think it needs all that much encouragement.
Wendy Plump knows all about the elusive allure of an affair: keeping secrets. She said she strayed with three different men during her 18-year marriage.
It is like a drug, a rush, Plump said. You know what its like when you fall in love with someone or your spouse? Its like that when you have an affair, all over again.
But it turned out that she wasnt the only one in her marriage who was cheating. The final betrayal, she said, was discovering her husband had fathered a child with his long-term mistress.
I remember having everything crash in at the time, Plump said. Something incomprehensible as to how you could get around that. … I don’t want to make it seem like he was terrible and I was good because we both let the marriage down.
Plump, a veteran reporter, turned her failed marriage into the subject of her memoir, The Vow. She and her husband are now divorced.
I got many letter from women who had affairs or whose husbands had had affairs, she said. This is a lot more common than I would have imagined.
Some statistics show that 21 percent of married men have had an affair, compared to 15 percent of married woman, according to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey. But that number for women has spiked in the last two decades, up nearly 40 percent.
Plump said society still judges cheating wives much more harshly than cheating husbands.
Theres a much bigger stigma for women who cheat than for men, she said. Women are expected to be more chaste and proper, more faithful to the home and when women cheat its viewed as having cheated on the family, whereas when men cheat, they cheat on their wife, and I suppose that its viewed as not a big deal.
According to AshleyMadison.com, a woman is more prone to cheat at certain stress points in her life, notably right before turning 40.
Women cheat because they believe that they’re missing something — don’t feel loved, Plump said. For men, seems like they want to cheat because they want to sleep with someone else, less an emotional thing.
Thats what Katherine said happened to her.
I “didn’t even want a physical relationship with anyone else, I wanted to be wanted, she said. I wanted to be adored, wanted to be chased, wanted every man to think, I have got to have her.
But for both Plump and Katherine, the aftermath of cheating on their spouses was devastating. After Katherine confessed her affair, her husband said it left him crushed.
She said, whatever vows we made, Im breaking them right here, said Katherine’s husband, who asked not to be named. I asked her, how dare she? How could she? … I was furious with her.
But Katherines husband had a secret of his own — he started having an affair long before his wife ever turned to AshleyMadison.com.
I really dont have a good reason why I cheated, he said. I can come up with all the excuses … but it was my decision alone. … It was something new and exciting. And I dont know why I did it.
Though AshleyMadsion.com markets infidelity, ironically, Noel Biderman said he and his wife Amanda are happily married and completely faithful. Both said they would be devastated if the other cheated, but still did not agree with the accusation that Bidermans website encourages cheating.
I dont see it as encouragement or enabling, Amanda Biderman said. Its going to happen. It happens regardless of the business.
Noel Biderman insisted that his business does people more good than harm because the threat of infidelity can be a martial wake-up call.
I see it as a platform that helps people stay married. Millions of people have affairs because they want to stay married, he said. I help millions of people find contentment, passion and happiness through my service.
But that is not how marriage counselors Jim and Elizabeth Carroll see it.
I dont think infidelity helps any marriage, Jim Carroll said. People should work through their problems before it gets to infidelity.
The Carrolls run marriage retreats all across the country for embattled couples, forcing them to talk and even fight out their issues, as seen on WeTVs Marriage Boot Camp.
I think the AshleyMadison site is a brilliant marketing attempt to capitalize on the basest human behavior, the least disciplined human behavior, and I think it plays directly into things that will destroy our culture, Elizabeth Carroll said.
Even for those couples like Katherine and her husband, who have both broken their vows, the Carrolls believe there is hope.
The key to the solution is learning how to forgive, truly forgive, truly saying I will never hold this against you, ever, Elizabeth said. Its a long road.
Today, Katherine has deleted her AshleyMadison.com profile, but is estranged from her husband and kids. She said she has turned to her faith for healing.
It doesn’t matter how bad it is right now … how gross it is, how much horrible darkness is in your life … you can always turn your back on it, can always let it go, Katherine said.
And her husband holds fast to his own faith – that his wife will come home.
I dont believe my marriage is over. … To me, this is just another chapter, he said. I see my wife as someone whos struggling internally. … Shes someone I made a vow to and a promise to. … If things dont get resolved, I want to know that I put forth every effort and I went out swinging, and I supported her the best I can. I dont want to just walk away and give up.

16 real women reveal why they cheated on their partners

If you’ve ever had your heart broken due to infidelity, you know that it’s a special kind of gut punch that takes a surprising amount of effort to overcome. You may never again be able to fully trust your partner after they’ve cheated. According to Today, cheating (including emotional affairs) is one of the main causes of divorce.

Although the Institute for Family Studies reports that more husbands than wives admit to being unfaithful, according to The Cut, psychoanalyst and writer Esther Perel cites an increase of 40% in unfaithful women since 1990, while men’s statistics have stayed about the same.

We went to Reddit to find out why more women than ever are cheating.

“I wasn’t quite ready to leave him because of the kids”

“I wasn’t quite ready to leave him because of the kids.”

“He had cheated on me multiple times and I wasn’t quite ready to leave him because of the kids, so I tried to exact some kind of revenge by sleeping with someone too. In retrospect, I wish that I had kept the high ground. I left him two months later.” -Redditor Orange_Paisley

“I desired an emotional attachment”

“I have cheated, yes, but on my husband before we were married. It wasn’t physical, but more of an emotional attachment that my husband (then boyfriend) believed was cheating. Which, after settling down my pride, I agree with. It was unnecessary, and it’s something I still have to deal with today. There was a lot of trauma in between the time that I did it, and while it’s no excuse, it’s the sole reason I desired an emotional attachment.”My husband had left, out of the blue, for nearly a year, and when he came back I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to be with someone who could so easily leave after developing such a strong relationship with me. During that year, I developed a relationship with another man, which I cut off once my husband and I started dating again. However, there were still problems between him and I, so I reverted back to the other man.” – Redditor pleindesprit

“It was not really a satisfying and healthy relationship”

“I kinda sorta cheated on a boyfriend way back when. In my defense, I was only 19, so not a grownup, and said boyfriend came out of the closet not long after, so it was not really a satisfying and healthy relationship.” – Redditor emmster

“(He) got back together with me once he had his fun”

“I would cheat on my current boyfriend because he dumped me to date someone else, then got back together with me once he had his fun. I’m just biding my time until the right opportunity presents itself.” – Anonymous Redditor

“He pushed me over the edge one night”

“I did cheat on one person in my life … He wasn’t a great guy and he was always accusing me of sleeping with other men when I wasn’t. He pushed me over the edge one night when he told me I was going to f— the guy taking my pictures for a photoshoot, and in my rage, I just decided ‘screw it all.’ It was immature as hell, but in my defense, I dumped him the next day rather than lying to him and continuing the relationship. I don’t plan on cheating again.’ – Anonymous Redditor

“I was afraid of being alone”

“I was afraid of being alone.” Matt Cardy/Stringer/Getty Images

“I wasn’t happy in my relationship, and I was afraid of being alone. I didn’t like confrontation, and I was scared out of my mind of making the wrong decision, whether that decision was staying or leaving. I cried about it a lot. I knew I was hurting him and myself, but couldn’t bring myself to just end it … I did break up with him after a while. Cheating is unforgivable, and by being the cheater, I didn’t deserve to be with him.” Redditor HarleySpencer

“There was something missing”

“(I was) with someone for several years. There was something missing and I by chance met someone and after a year of knowing them, I knew I couldn’t hold back what I felt. I cheated emotionally for months, then once physically and then I ended the relationship to be with the other person.” – Anonymous Redditor

“The relationship wasn’t right”

“Over six years together, and the relationship wasn’t right, but all the memories, experiences and TIME together made it hard to admit. I emotionally cheated, got caught, went through hell, and then somehow was forgiven and we tried to work it out. We broke up a few months later, which was awfully tough. Still is.” – Redditor throwawaycheat

“I cheated on my abuser”

“(My husband) would throw things. Hit things. Break things. He would curse at me. Yell at me. He would raise his hands to me. And I couldn’t stop him. I wasn’t in love with the man I cheated with. But he treated me how I wanted to be treated. If I wanted to take it slow, he moved slow … My wants mattered. I would do anything he wanted me to. Even things I wasn’t into. I’d do anything because I knew he would respect my wishes if I decided I wanted to stop.

“Our relationship was purely sexual. We didn’t even cuddle … But he respected me more than my husband did. So yes, I cheated on my husband. But I never cheated on the man that I married. I cheated on my abuser. I cheated on my tormenter.” – Redditor finallyxfree

“My isolation turned to selfish physical need”

“Yesterday I cheated on my husband. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t thought out, it just happened. He’s been overseas with his military contracting company for nine months now. I’ve missed him horribly. I’m in a town basically on my own without any family or any close friends I can really connect with. It’s been alienating and isolating and has been torture at times.”A few days ago, I met a guy about my age in a coffee shop. He noticed a sticker on my laptop that was of a band I was sure no one had ever heard of. Turned out he had, and after a whirlwind of a few hours, I found myself at his house that evening where I did it. I thought at first this guy would just be a friend I could share music recommendations from, but in an instant of a moment my isolation turned to selfish physical need.” – Redditor mtwife88

“I just went along with it”

“I just went along with it.” Unsplash / Michael Discenza

“I was on a girls’ night out on Friday, it had been a while since all the gals got together, so we really let loose. I bumped into a former work colleague who was out with her fella and some of their friends. We chatted and after a while, they invited me back to their hotel room. I knew what was going to happen but I went along with it anyway.

“We ended up back at their hotel room where she seduced me. I ended up having sex with both of them. It was mind-blowing at the time but I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself afterward. I don’t know why I did it, I just went along with it. I love my husband. I cannot believe what I’ve done.” – Redditor Billie_Jean_is_not

“I met a guy who enjoyed talking to me and hanging out with me”

“We were in a long-distance relationship. Dated in high school and I went to college. He always complained about coming to see me every other month when I would come back to see him every weekend. He also didn’t like texting or calling as much as I wanted him to.”Then I met a guy who enjoyed talking to me and hanging out with me. I didn’t make many friends so I took what I could get, even if he had a girlfriend while he was constantly hitting on me. I was lonely and weak. He was very manipulative. Me and my SO eventually broke up but I didn’t tell him about the affair until after we got back together and dated for two more years. He was hurt, but understood I regretted it and felt disgusted with myself.” – Redditor thatsmychairb—-

“I thought he had cheated on me”

“I think there are a couple of reasons (I cheated). One, I thought he had cheated on me, and based on something he said to me implied he’d been intimate with someone else .. .secondly he was abusive and the other guy made me feel desired and wanted and since he was making me feel like crap I fell for the other guy. All said I still regret it as I’ve always vowed I wouldn’t cheat.” – Redditor Shadows23

“I was scared of commitment”

“I was scared of commitment, he wanted us to be ‘exclusive’ and I wasn’t ready so I got super drunk and yeah slept with another guy and told him the next day.” – Redditor CarolineManihot

“He always played the victim”

“Cheating on him (a festival ‘romance’ of two days) made me realize that the relationship with my SO was complete s—. He always played the victim, made me feel bad even about the smallest disagreements, hinted at killing himself if I ever left him, etc. … I don’t think that what I did was/is the right thing to do at all, but sometimes things like these make you realize that ‘Oh. This is what it’s supposed to be like.'” – Redditor -feelingblue-

“He refused to leave me”

“Because we both knew the relationship was over but didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t have the guts to dump him and he refused to leave me. I took the easy/cowardly way out and I cheated.” – Redditor notnowfetz

Visit INSIDER’s homepage for more

  • 11 things we learned about cheating in 2018
  • 7 traits most cheaters have in common
  • Here’s what to do after you’ve been cheated on — or caught cheating
  • It’s possible to forgive your partner for cheating on you. Here’s what a therapist says needs to happen.

The Real Reasons Why Women Cheat

The most common reason women cheat is because they’re not getting enough of something from their current partner. Usually, the sex is bad and shows no signs of improving, their partners aren’t carrying their share of the emotional labor load and they’re feeling neglected, or they’re experiencing a combination of the two. Men who cheat are more likely to report being happy in their relationships than women, with their reasons leaning towards seeking sexual pleasure from someone new. Women, on the other hand, tend to seek emotional fulfillment when they step out, especially when their partners are men.

Only recently have women felt empowered to express their sexual dissatisfaction or to urge their partners to meet them halfway emotionally. Women have long been expected to endure lackluster sex and be content with emotionally unavailable or stunted partners, especially if they’ve partnered with men. As women become more sexually liberated, more invested in their own emotional fulfillment, and less willing to settle for partners who do little more than occupy space, the temptation to find something “better” increases. Maybe if we didn’t shame women for exploring their sexuality outside of monogamous relationships or for having multiple partners, we’d see more women waiting before they make long-term monogamous commitments or avoiding them outright.

Some women cheat simply because they can; it’s exhilarating and can make them feel powerful. Boredom or frustration with life, in general, can also be a motivation for someone looking to shake things up a bit. A survey of over 1,500 people also found that having power can motivate people towards infidelity — the more professional and financial power a person has, the more confidence a person has in their ability to attract people. As women experience professional growth and become more financially secure, why wouldn’t we expect them to do what powerful men have been doing forever? And since they’re less economically reliant on romantic partners, if they get caught and their relationships end, they can provide for themselves in ways women of previous generations could not. Interestingly enough, another study found that people who are completely financially reliant upon their partners are more likely to be unfaithful, likely due to resentment, feeling trapped, and being in a relationship based less on love and more on financial support.

The No. 1 Reason Women Cheat


You’d assume a marriage in which a partner is cheating is a marriage on its last legs, right? New research presented at the 109th meeting of the American Sexological Association begs to differ. A lot of partners are happy in their marriage-but are also looking for an affair, the study of 100 women between ages 35 and 45 found. (Note: Take this with a grain of salt, as study participants were also members of AshleyMadison.com, a site for individuals seeking extramarital affairs.) But the most interesting part of the research? None of the women in the study expressed interest in leaving their marriage. Sixty-seven percent strayed because they wanted more “romantic passion.”

And while it may sound like it would have been a whole lot less trouble to simply schedule a date night, researchers involved in the study say that it doesn’t work that way. “A long standing sexological finding is that sex with the same person gets boring,” explains study author Eric Anderson, Ph.D., a professor of masculinity at the University of Winchester in England, as well as chief science officer at AshleyMadison.com.

RELATED: 10 Ways to Heat Up Summer Sex

And while seeking sex elsewhere may work for some couples (think Frank and Claire Underwood in House of Cards), that’s not the only way to go (or the best solution!). Start, instead, by simply talking. “A lot of couples, even ones who are deeply in love, just don’t know how to talk about sex,” says Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute in Boulder, CO.

If you and your partner both seem to be a little awkward around the subject-but both want to bring more spice into the bedroom-sign up for a workshop at a local sex shop for your next date night, experts suggest. It can help get you both more comfortable talking what turns you on-and what doesn’t. Clothes are left on, but having an expert talking different techniques and tips may make it easier for you to open up after class as well as have fun doing something sexy together.

  • By Anna Davies