I met my boyfriend online

Table of Contents

How to find my boyfriend on dating sites, specifically Tinder

Ever wondered how to find out if your boyfriend is on Tinder? It seems to be one of the biggest questions in any relationship. So, is he on Tinder?

As Tinder grows in popularity all over the world, more and more men are trying out the platform and as any female Tinder user can tell you, many of the potential matches in the site are either married or in a relationship but still cheating on Tinder.

There are different studies saying that as many as 42% of Tinder users are in a relationship and 30% are married, as mentioned in this Daily Dot article. Leaving a significant other curious of how to check if their boyfriend is on Tinder and many spouses wondering how to find out if their husband on Tinder. A Global Web Index study also says men outnumber women on Tinder. Even if the number isn’t that high, the suggestion is a scary prospect for any girl in a relationship.

So when asking the question, how to find out if your boyfriend is on dating sites, the first place to look for seems to be Tinder. As this is the most popular dating platform of our age, chances are that if your boyfriend or husband has online dating profiles, he will be on Tinder, so it might be more useful to ask yourself, how to find out if my boyfriend is on Tinder?

Is my husband on dating sites… is my husband is on Tinder? This was a complete mystery until only recently when this became something real, and this is why Cheaterbuster (Formerly known as Swipebuster or Swipe buster) is so useful. In terms of how to find out if your boyfriend on Tinder, it is the fastest way, by searching millions of profiles instantly and locally.

How to find out if your boyfriend or husband is on tinder. The steps are incredibly simple:

  • Start search

    Start the Tinder search by name. You must provide the exact first name as it appears on facebook of the person you are searching for.

  • Provide age

    You must provide the age of the person. If you happen to be insecure of the exact age, you can write your closest guess.

  • Location

    Use the map and provide the last location you believe the person used Tinder.

  • Receive Results

    Enter your email to receive the results from Cheaterbuster based on the users search criteria and a number of other variables, results are typically delivered within three minutes.

Cheaterbuster (Formerly known as Swipebuster or Swipe buster) searches the area and shows you the most accurate results for that age, gender, and location. Now, users can quickly glance at all the different profiles and answer the question: is he on Tinder? It’s that simple. If the first search does not yield the person you were looking for, our large package includes three searches so you can try 2 more locations. Cheaterbuster is how to find out if your boyfriend is on Tinder by searching around their office, or his favorite pub or bar.

In addition, Cheaterbuster works great for situations where your boyfriend or husband is on a business trip. Say your significant other is going to Las Vegas, if they are secretly using Tinder, surely that will be a place where they will likely use it. So, is my husband on Tinder? How will I know if he’s hundreds or thousands of miles away well? Cheaterbuster works for any location. Just enter the address for his hotel, or office for the trip and Cheaterbuster will search that area to see if your boyfriend or husband has recently been using Tinder in that area.

In addition to searching through millions of profiles, all the men who have recently used Tinder in that specific location will pop up. If your husband has online dating profiles, then chances are he will be using the most popular one, and if you want to search in the most popular one, Cheaterbuster is the best place to do it.

So let’s assume you just caught your husband on a dating site, in our case Tinder. There are many reasons why they could have an account so don’t panic just yet! While asking for honesty is the most civilized way to resolve this issue, it might not be available to every couple.

One of the things that you can review is the pictures that your husband or boyfriend is using in that dating profile. Are they new? Did he take the pictures after we started dating? During our break? That’s one of the easiest ways to find out the timeline of their usage. We also have a feature called a Super Update that tells you the location, within a mile, of where they last used Tinder. Say you find them on your first search, then you do a Super Update a few days later, if that location changes, it means they used it in the time in between. The Super Update also performs a search in that specific location and tell you whether that profile is being seen by other Tinder users as that moment. So, if the location hasn’t changed but the profile is still appearing for other users, that is usually a strong indicator of the user having recently used Tinder. As you can see, Cheaterbuster is the go-to way to answer: is he on Tinder?. If the location changed AND the user was found during the search, well, a conversation might be in order.

Many couples have different rules about how they approach dating, sometimes being on a dating profile isn’t the end of the world. But that should be for you to decide, and transparency is what we offer on Cheaterbuster, so feel free to check out our FAQ if you have any further questions or doubts.

How to locate Out If Boyfriend Is On Internet Dating Sites: Key Info

How to locate Out If Boyfriend Is On Internet Dating Sites: Key Info

If you feel such as your boyfriend has begun behaving in a strange way that you don’t seem to understand, then it might be that he has subscribed to Online sites that are dating particularly when he is apparently spending much of his time on a pc. There was most likely a high possibility that the man you’re seeing is registered on online internet dating sites if he is constantly investing additional time on his computer chatting or texting on his phone.

Change of routine behavior such as for instance returning after work later on than typical or heading out more myrussianbride.net/ regularly is a way that is clear there will be something that will be deviating their attention away from you, and also this could possibly be online sites that are dating. Do you are feeling like your boyfriend is on online site that is dating but you don’t have clear proof? This article has highlighted for you a few of the items that can help you determine if the man you’re seeing is on dating website. Keep reading!

What Are Out In The Event The Boyfriend Is On Internet Dating Sites

Check Up On Their Browsing History

One method to determine if the man you’re seeing is on dating sites is through going through his browsing history on his computer or phone when you have access to their communication gadgets. Though a lot of people tend to delete some of their browsing history, continue checking they will on them as at some point forget and you shall manage to see them. It will be quite simple for you yourself to utilize this strategy in the event the boyfriend doesn’t delete his browsing history if you share same gadgets for instance the computer.

Create An On-line Dating Profile

If you were to think the man you’re seeing has registered on internet dating sites, one good way to find out is through creating an on-line profile on your own in the internet dating sites to trap him, but don’t use your own personal information. In simple terms, you will need to create a fake online account that is dating. Don’t use your own photo, title or any of your basic information that is personal as the real occupation in your profile, and through this, you may have the ability to spot him. Enter yourself on various sites that are dating enhance your odds of spotting him as you are most likely to not ever make sure by which web site he has got registered on. The more you register your self on numerous different internet sites, the bigger your likelihood of spotting on him because this is a lot like a game title of possibilities. Take care not to be enticed into playing the dating internet site yourself and restrict your efforts to only trapping the man you’re seeing.

Do Some Searching Online For Their Information

This might be another real strategy for finding away if the boyfriend is registered on online internet dating sites. It involves searching of his name that is full contact number, their email address and photos on Google or dating sites. If he is registered on any dating website, his online dating sites profile will probably show up.

Check Out The E-mail

You may determine if the man you’re dating is on internet dating sites by looking into their email, but this can only use if both of you share a contact account. Proceed through his inbox messages and always check if you will find any email messages originating from internet dating sites. You could look at the junk, spam and trash files as not all e-mails from dating sites is certainly going right to the inbox. When you have usage of your boyfriend’s phone, you should check to see if you can find any Dating site applications installed, and if there are, you might have a definite evidence of him being on internet dating sites.

Hire An Exclusive Investigator

It is really not simple to find down in the event the boyfriend is on online dating sites while he does it independently and wouldn’t as you to know. You therefore must be discrete along with your investigation, hence the necessity to find special someone to investigate it for your needs. a private detective has|investigator that is private more use of resources and databases than both you and could possibly be beneficial to help you see whether the man you’re seeing is registered on internet dating sites.

Behave As If You Know

Another easy solution to find out if the man you’re dating is on is always to bluff and work just like you know. This process is very effective actually convinced that the man you’re dating has registered on internet dating sites, even though you don’t have actually a clear evidence. It involves confronting the man you’re dating straight with a lot of confidence you know he’s registered on online dating sites. When utilizing this process, make sure it is on a single on a single conversation in order to see his response.

Review Your Relationship

method to determine if the man you’re dating is registered on dating web sites is through deep representation and examination that is critical of relationship. Profoundly analyze your relationship to see exactly what it’s that enables you to lack the trust from your own boyfriend. The possible lack of trust alone means you need to reevaluate your relationship, have discussion with him and examine why you have you to doubt on him.

You can be helped by these tips determine if your true love is playing you with others on online sites that are dating.

How To Find Out If Your Boyfriend Is On Tinder

No one wants to find out that their boyfriend is cheating on them. Tinder is just one of the many apps cheaters use to get some side action behind their partner’s back. Even though you can’t do a simple Tinder search, doesn’t mean you can’t bust them. To catch them in the act, we describe different ways of how to find out if your boyfriend is on Tinder below.

Method 1: Check Out Their Profile

If you and your boyfriend met on Tinder, then you can easily look at his profile. On Tinder, you can only view another person’s profile if you’re a match. All you have to do to find your boyfriend is enter their name in the search bar in the app, and click on them. One clear sign that he’s still using Tinder is if he’s updated his profile photo and information.

Method 2: Create A Fake Profile

When in doubt, create a fake profile if you cannot do a Tinder search for him. Set-up your profile, and include photos and qualities that he would be attracted to. Then, swipe right on him and wait to see if it’s a match. For a match to happen, both you and the other person must swipe right on each other. So, if your fake profile and boyfriend are a match, he is active on Tinder.

Method 3: Use A Cell Phone Spy App

Snooping on your boyfriend’s phone using a cell phone spy app is the sure way to see if they’re Tinder cheating on you. These apps can enable you to see what applications someone has on their smartphone. So, if you asked him to delete the Tinder app and you find out he still has it, you’ve caught him red handed!

After following these methods of how to find out if your boyfriend is on Tinder, you’ll surely uncover if they are. Best case scenario, they forgot to delete the app. Worst case scenario, they’re cheating on you.

You Also Might Like: Tinder Safety Tips To Follow

Okay, so it’s another Saturday night and you are curled up on the sofa wondering what the hell is wrong with you because you don’t have a date – AGAIN!

All of your friends have dates, boyfriends, husbands and there’s nothing special about them, right?

So why can’t you find someone to love you?

This is going to be a hard pill to swallow, but have you ever thought that maybe you are the problem?

Your friends have dates, boyfriends, and husbands because they aren’t you.

Ouch, I know. That’s harsh. But stay with me here for a second.

What if the reason you aren’t happily attached to another human being is that you are doing things that don’t attract other human beings?

Double ouch.

If you haven’t found love yet and you feel like you’ve tried everything, consider that maybe you haven’t tried everything, and then read this list of 17 things you need to know if you haven’t found love.

And be open to exploring these reasons.

The answer you seek could be right here and you aren’t open to seeing it. Go ahead and stay single then, we are just trying to help you here.

1) You ask too much of people

Have you ever considered that you are putting too much pressure on people to be awesome all the time?

You know love is not really like that, right?

According to marriage and family therapist intern Michael Bouciquot:

“These expectations are fantasies and false hopes that ruin your idea of your partner. Some people never realize the unwarranted damage they cause because of these inflated ideas.”

Prince Charming wakes up with bad breath and needs to comb his hair, too.

No one is perfect and you need to stop thinking that you are perfect so you deserve perfect.

You deserve someone who will make you happy. But that’s about it.

The fact that we even think we deserve love is a misnomer.

We desire it, but do we really deserve it? Don’t we have to work for it? We can’t just sit around and think it’s going to magically appear.

2) You expect too much of people

You want it all and you think you’ve found it time and time again only to be disappointed. You can’t have a boyfriend who makes millions of dollars in his own company AND is someone who will whisk you away on a weekend getaway.

If he’s hauling ass to build a company, you need to sit tight while he does his thing.

Another thing to consider is the rate at which you expect a relationship to move.

If you have only just met and you are wondering why he’s not blowing up your phone, ask yourself what you have going on that would make him want to do that?

Don’t you have a job you should be doing right now? Of course, he isn’t texting you a million times day, people have jobs.

Instead, you should focus on the real traits that make a life partner.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Amy McManus advises:

“I counsel my clients to have criteria for the relationship, rather than the person.”

“Some of the important relationship criteria are: Is it honest, loving, supportive, interesting, and healthy? Are you able to discuss and work out issues about spending money, having raising children, and having differences of opinion?”

NOW READ: Top 100 self love, love yourself and self esteem quotes

3) You don’t think you need to change

Thinking you are great just the way you are is awesome, but if you haven’t found that person that makes you feel whole, you might want to take a look at your half of the equation.

Consider that there’s something about you that isn’t attracting the right kind of man.

And we don’t mean you looks – we mean your personality, your demands, you work schedule.

Perhaps you haven’t left the house in three weeks and are genuinely wondering why no one is calling you for a date.

Wake up to the bullshit you are feeding yourself and you might find things start to change.

You don’t need to change everything to be in a relationship. In fact, you shouldn’t give up the essence of who your are just to please someone else.

But you should compromise where you can.

According to author and Philosophy professor Michael D. White:

“Little compromises are natural and unavoidable, but be careful not to give up too much of what is important to you for the sake of a relationship that should help to affirm who you already are.”

4) You are picking the wrong people

Let’s say you have found lots of great guys you could be in a relationship with but when it’s time to get serious, he just bails.

On the flip side, it might not be you. It might be that you are picking the wrong kind of guy to be with.

It’s not unheard of – some women are perpetually attracting to the wrong kind of guy. It’s just what happens. It’s also called self-sabotage.

According to clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone:

“When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners. We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.”

You pick the same kind of guy over and over again and then you don’t have to find Mr. Right and settle down. Sound familiar?

5) You don’t see the writing on the wall

There could be a guy standing right in front of you telling you how beautiful you are and asking for your number and you are so clueless that you don’t see what is happening.

Again, this is a form of self-sabotage and you could be committing it more than you know. Do you want love to find you or do you want to stay the sad sap that can’t find love?

We hang on to our stories pretty hard and they soon become our identities. If you never let Gerry take you out, how will you know if Gerry isn’t the one?

You need to be a little open to opportunities when they present themselves.

According to Firestone:

“With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones.

“It’s important to resist falling into a comfort zone and to repeatedly challenge the influence of our critical inner voice. We should take action and make an effort to get out into the world, smile, make eye contact and let friends know we are looking for someone.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, remember? You might need to crack a few eggs to make this omelet, but unless you let people into your life, you’ll never know what’s possible.

6) And when you do find someone, quit thinking it won’t last

Entering into a relationship thinking that it’s doomed means one thing – it will be.

And then what happens when it doesn’t work out? You’ll feel validated. “See, no relationship ever works out for me.”

But it’s exactly this thinking that causes this to happen over and over again. You’re sabotaging the relationship before it even starts.

What you’re doing is being defensive. And nothing good comes out of that.

Firestone explains:

“Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and become defended.

“These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.

There’s only one way to change this: Start being more optimistic about your newfound relationship! See the good in them, ignore the bad. And assume that they’re doing the same with you.

7) You keep playing games

You’re upset. You’re hurt. And when your partner asks you, “what’s wrong?” You say “nothing”. Or you get angry over something else later.

Be honest and stop playing games. It causes so much damage.

Psychospiritual writer Aletheia Luna says:

“Psychological games are often rewarding to one party and harmful to the other, creating exhausting and messy dynamics in every kind of relationship. Sometimes we are so deeply ingrained in the cat-and-mouse games that define our relationships that we aren’t even aware of what is happening.”

Don’t be like this. Your partner will have no idea what they’ve done wrong and your resentment will just pile up even more.

Instead, talk about your concerns or issues. I know it sounds lame, but honesty is the only way to build trust in a relationship. Without trust, a relationship can’t grow.

8) You keep thinking that love is enough

You’ve heard it before: “Love is the only ingredient for a healthy and happy relationship”. Right? Wrong!

The truth is, it takes a lot more than love to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship. A successful relationship is about trust, commitment, attachment, attraction, communication and a whole lot more.

If you can trust your partner, talk with them about anything, feel comfortable, protected AND LOVED, then that’s when you’re onto a winner.

Because at the end of the day, love is a choice.

Clinical director and licensed counselor Dr. Kurt Smith explains:

“Who we love is as much of a choice as it is a feeling. Staying in love takes a commitment. After the rosy glow of the new relationship wears off, we have to make a decision: Do we want to love this person and commit to a relationship together, or are we going to let this person go?

“Once we have made the decision that we have found the person we want to be with and commit to, the work begins. A big part of that work is making many other choices.”

9) You think you are too old

It doesn’t matter how old you are, you are never too old to find love.

“All the good ones are gone” simply isn’t true. You’re a good person and you’re still single, right? People have break-ups, or they haven’t thought about a relationship until now because they’re too focused on work.

The truth is, with age comes wisdom, so you’re MORE likely to find someone better suited to you.

According to clinician Maria Baratta:

“Of course, you can meet and fall in love at any point in your life. Loving again after bitter breakups, difficult divorces, abusive partnerships, and financial disasters does happen.

But meeting people like this can only happen if you’re actively on the lookout for potential love. But if you think that you’re too old then you’re not going to find someone.

It’s self-sabotage. And you need to stop it.

10) You don’t believe in the numbers game

If you don’t buy a lottery ticket, you can’t win the lottery.

Likewise, if you don’t get yourself out there and date new people, you won’t find the special one.

There are so many different ways to meet people these days, with apps like Tinder and Bumble, so use them to your advantage! Go ahead and meet new people.

Don’t go on dates expecting to find love. Go on dates to get to know other people. It’s the only way you’ll work out what type of person is right for you.

Most importantly try to be positive about it. Attitude changes everything.

Life coach and author, Sarah E. Stewart tells Bustle:

“If someone has a negative attitude people can sense it from a mile away and most people do not want to be around it. It is important to be positive even if you are on your one-hundredth bad date.”

And think of it this way: You might not go on a date with someone who is perfect for you, but you might make some friends who know someone who is.

11) You think dating is rocket science

A common theme among people who are single is that they think they are terrible at attracting other people. Of course, if you can’t seduce someone, then your chances of getting a significant other are low.

But that’s because you think that it’s impossible to seduce someone. It’s not. You don’t have to come up with witty lines or funny banter.

Stop overthinking.

According to marriage and family psychologist Kathryn Smerling:

“When you’re anxious and overthinking, you’re not in the moment, so you’re not able to truly enjoy time with your partner. And if you’re not present, how can you possibly grow in your relationship?”

Be yourself, be nice, and have a normal conversation. You might find that people will like you for who you are.

12) You think that love is a magical pill that will suddenly make everything better

If you’re feeling low, or down about life, you might be under this misguided belief that being single is the downfall for nearly everything that’s going wrong in your life.

But the truth is, love is only one factor in your life. Your life won’t get better until you take responsibility for every facet of your life.

Kira Asatryan, author of Stop Being Lonely says:

“Love absolutely brings people together.

“But the majestic, heightened state of love has a flip side, one with which we’re all too familiar: Love is fickle.

“So the notion that love is a reliable solution to loneliness is a myth because, simply put: Love is a mystery.”

Don’t get me wrong: love is incredible. But it’s not the be all and end all. If you can’t get your life together, then you’re chances of finding love will significantly decrease.

13) You’ve got needs nobody can satisfy

In a nutshell, you are just too needy. Whether you need your partner to call you four times a day or you need to know what they are doing every minute of the day, your expectations do not match your reality of relationships.

You have to figure out why you are so needy. In most cases, it is fueled by fear.

According to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Craig Malkin:

“It’s not need, then, that engenders neediness. It’s fear— fear of our own needs for connection and the possibility that they won’t ever be met. That’s what hurtles us into the abject despair of neediness.”

Nobody wants to be with someone who can’t stand to be by themselves.

What’s so wrong with you that you can’t just enjoy your own company? Think about that and then go out and look for someone to compliment your lifestyle, not complete it.

(Our best-selling eBook, Why Taking Responsibility is Key to Being the Best You, offers the tools and techniques you need to transform your life. Check it out here).

14) You think a white horse and prince are the only options

Your standards are just too high. Plain and simple. Get off your high horse and start looking for partners who are on the ground.

Sure, you might meet a tall, dark and handsome person to love, but the odds are slim that you’ll find them on a horse, and even more slim that they’ll be a prince.

Firestone says:

“We may have unrealistic expectations for a partner or pinpoint weaknesses from the moment we meet someone. We think of dating certain people as “settling” without ever seeing how that person could make us happy in the long-term.”

So get with the program and get a more realistic purview of what humans look like and act like.

Sure, you can dream, but that’s about all you’ll be doing in your love life if you don’t get real.

15) You’re kind of a mess

If you expect your partner to be Mr. or Mrs. Right, you better get yourself together first. If you are late for every meeting you are supposed to attend, if you burn every meal you make, if you can’t wear clean clothes two days in a row, and if your car is constantly running out of gas, you might need a major tune-up before you head out and look for love.

Whether you are into guys or gals, people don’t want partners they need to babysit. Get yourself together and you might have an easier time finding love.

It’s not only self-love. It’s self-care.

Author and life coach John Kim advises:

“See loving yourself as the action of self love / self care in your every day life, your everyday choices from what you decide to eat to who you decide to love and surround yourself with.

“Loving yourself is the practice of self love and it’s on going. Forever. Until you die. It’s not a bar to measure yourself before getting into a relationship.”

A clean shirt is a great place to start. Grunge is out.

16) You keep going back to the same places you meet the same people

There’s no doubt about it that people hook up with the wrong partners all the time. It can be a real downer when you realize how many love mistakes you’ve made in your life.

So it’s time to take stock of where you are concentrating your energy and change things up a bit. If you always pick someone up in a bar, trying hanging out in a different place next Friday night.

Or better yet, don’t go out on Friday night at all and stay home washing that laundry so you have a clean shirt to go out on Saturday night.

Always thinking, we are. We’ve got your back.

If you are never happy with the person you are dating, it’s likely not them at all, and almost always you. Yes, it’s not you, it’s me is a real thing. And baby, it sounds like you might be the problem.

17) You’re saying all the wrong things

Some people just can’t say the right things no matter how hard they try. If you fall into this category, the solution is to stop talking and start listening.

Rather than trying to be the star of the show, let your date be the star of the show. Ask them questions, and refrain from making comments.

If you put your foot in your mouth more than on the dancefloor, sit tight. Let your listening skills represent you until you are more comfortable around your current love interest.

The biggest thing when it comes to finding love is this: don’t let the lack of love define you. Remember that you are worthy of love, but that you can focus on loving yourself in the meantime.

On the other hand, here are 6 lessons you need to learn if you’re going to find true love

Trying to find love to make your life complete is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Another human being cannot complete your life, despite what you might have seen in every romantic comedy movie ever made.

They are lying to you. In order to find love, you need to first love yourself and your life.

Building a great relationship with yourself is more important than any relationship you’ll build with another person.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Abigail Brenner:

“Being alone allows you to drop your “social guard”, thus giving you the freedom to be introspective, to think for yourself. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence.”

There’s no need to go looking for love to fix what you think is broken. Fix yourself, and love will find you.

But not in the place you expect: it will come from inside. That boyfriend or girlfriend? They’re just the icing on the cake.

2) You need to learn to see yourself as worthy

In order to find love, and to allow love to find you, you need to believe that you are worthy of being loved.

This is not easy for people and some people want to throw away a chance at love because they can’t handle being loved.

Despite wanting it more than anything, most people don’t actually know how to be loved and don’t know that they are worthy of such love.

It’s scarier than being alone in many cases and it’s what keeps people feeling lonely year after year.

When you deem yourself worthy of your own love, you’ll be able to open yourself up to others to love you as well.

According to therapist and author Ann Smith:

“In a loving relationship we make a conscious choice to risk vulnerability and allow ourselves to be seen by another person while knowing that we are not always going to be accepted as we are.

“The choice to experience of mutual love is worth the risk and effort, but it will never happen if we do not first believe we are lovable and actively love ourselves.

“Being love-able means that I am able to be loved, able to make a conscious choice about who I want to love, and accept love when it is offered.”

3) You need to learn to let someone love you

This can take time and requires a partnered effort. You and your partner need to work together to find out what kind of love works for you.

Don’t base your relationship on what you see in the movies or on television, or even what you see in other people’s relationships, for that matter.

Every relationship is different and if you start comparing your love to someone else’s version of love, you’ll start to be disappointed.

Letting someone love you is a team effort.

Psychologist and marriage therapist Randi Gunther says:

“If you are a person who cannot let love in, you can change your responses. The first step is to recognize what you are doing and to understand how you gave up your right to take love in.

“The second is to share those underlying reasons and your desire to change the role you are playing with your current partner if you are in a relationship.

“The third is to gently challenge your old behaviors as you observe them happening, choosing instead to observe how you are feeling as they occur and choosing to take a more transforming path.”

Talk about how you feel and why it’s important that you have this conversation in the first place. It’s okay that you don’t know how to be loved, just be willing to find out.

4) You need to learn to accept others as they are

Before you head out looking for love you need to ditch your must-haves list of things you are looking for a new partner and starting thinking about people in a new way.

Everyone has flaws, and so you can’t go out in search of love without thinking about how those flaws are going to impact your relationship.

But don’t let them deter you from giving someone a chance. You might find that the flaws someone has is what makes them most authentic and real.

If that’s important to you, looks, money, class, and cars might not be so important after a while. You also need to accept yourself the way you are and be opened to how people will receive you.

It’s a give and take kind of process, for sure, but it’s one worth exploring as you open yourself to love.

5) You need to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt

In order to find true love, you need to be able to forgive and forget because love doesn’t hold grudges. You need to set yourself free from whatever holds others have on you as well.

You can’t carry baggage into your next relationship. It’s not fair to either of you and trust us, you’ll be glad you ditched the heavy load when you did.

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt creates an opportunity to maintain lines of communication and creates a dialogue that allows you to get at the heart of your relationship in ways that many people don’t experience.

Before you get into that relationship though, you need to learn to lead with kindness and not judgment.

6) You need to learn that love changes

Looking for love is a difficult thing because love changes over time. If your search is taking a particularly long time, as it often does for some, you might find it difficult because you are still using criteria your 18-year-old self created.

Now that you’re older, well, those things might not be as important as they once were.

You might need to check in with yourself once in a while to see if you still want the things you wanted when you began your search for love.

And finally, you need to ask yourself if your quest for love is still really even what you want to be pursuing anymore? That answer, too, may change with time.

NOW WATCH: I’m 36, still single, and finally figured out why

RELATED ARTICLE: Unrequited Love: Why it hurts so bad and 8 crucial steps to take

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101 Relationship Quotes That Perfectly Capture Your Love Life

Image: Getty

Relationships are our biggest muse and inspiration. Whether funny or serious, painful or uplifting, we love to wax poetic about the relationships that shape our lives. From great novels to catchy songs, here are the 101 best relationship quotes of all time.

  1. “You have to have fun together. We’ve got three beautiful children together which our whole time is making them happy and making sure they’re healthy and good so most of our time is spent on them. But we have to also spend time together as a couple and that’s always important.” –David Beckham
  2. “Everybody knows there is never just the tragedy of life, or the humor of life or pure joy of life. Relationships have those extremes. You can absolutely madly love the same person you want to kill.” –Angelina Jolie
  3. “Being married means I can fart and eat ice cream in bed.” –Brad Pitt
  4. “I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.’ And I think that’s what happens. When two people throw in the towel at the same time, then you break up, but if one person’s saying: ‘Come on, we can do this,’ you carry on.” –Gwyneth Paltrow
  5. “A message to a friend: A wise man shared with me yesterday one word responsible for his 24 years of marriage. You know what that word was…forgiveness.” –Jada Pinkett Smith

    Image: @beyonce

  6. “Love is an endless act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is me giving up the right to hurt you for hurting me.” –Beyoncé
  7. “Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.” –John Lennon
  8. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” –Will Ferrell
  9. “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” –Mindy Kaling
  10. “Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.” –Oprah
  11. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” –Lao Tzu
  12. “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” –Lady Gaga
  13. “We should not see ourselves as the contestant but as the prize… The energy in which we go into a relationship is usually what we get out of it. So if we go in quite hastily or not being ourselves or balanced, we will have to deal with that at some point in the relationship as it sets the tone for the whole relationship.” –Kelly Rutherford
  14. “Never marry a man thinking you can change him, and I think that starts from your first date when you’re in the seventh grade on. Women are fixers so we have to just not fix. Don’t fix.” –Jennifer Garner
  15. “It was hard to imagine I would ever walk down the aisle again. It was like a death in the family: You go through the mourning stage, then the rebellion, and then all of a sudden you have to find life by yourself. Once you do that, you feel complete—and that’s the only time you can truly fall in love again, and give yourself over completely to another person.” –Jessica Simpson
  16. “It’s a humbling thing when you find someone to love. Even better if you’ve been waiting your whole life.” –George Clooney
  17. “I’m just a big believer in ‘you must love yourself before you can love anybody else,’ and I think for me that breeds the most inspired relationships…” –Scarlett Johansson
  18. “You get together and you’re two individuals and you feel inspired by each other, you challenge each other, you complement each other, drive each other beautifully crazy…when you have history with somebody, you’re friends in such a very real, deep way that there’s such a comfort, and an ease, and a deep love that comes from having been through quite a lot together.” –Angelina Jolie
  19. “We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.” –Justin Timberlake
  20. “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.” –Alexandra Penney

    Image: @kimkardashian

  21. “An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes.” –Patricia Fry
  22. “My mom always used to say, ‘You can’t say I love you before you can say I.’ And I think that sort of makes sense.” –Mindy Kaling
  23. “The central idea of love is not even a relationship commitment, the first thing is a personal commitment to be the best version of yourself with or without that person that you’re with. You have to every single day, mind, body, and spirit, wake up with a commitment to be better.” –Will Smith
  24. “There’s no perfect relationship. All relationships are work. If you put in the work, you’ll reap the rewards.” –Jesse Metcalfe
  25. “Do you know how you tell real love? It’s when someone else’s interest trumps your own. I like to put it that way: trumps your own. Love of somebody else—of family, of your kids—becomes the most important, most worthwhile thing in your life. It’s what you foster and protect.” –Brad Pitt
  26. “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. It’s worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards. The sparks fly at home if the nice Brad fails to see that he’s wrong and reacts in a defiant way. Then I can get so angry that I tear his shirt.” –Angelina Jolie
  27. “To make it work you have to pay attention. You have to want to make sure they’re okay. I know if Jenna’s had a bad dream. I know if she’s going to wake up in a good mood. I just know. Maybe because I’ve spent a lot of time with her, but pay attention guys. If you love the person, just figure out how to make them happy. Write a little note. Put it under the toilet seat. Do something crazy. Make them laugh. It’s not that hard to pay attention and care.” –Channing Tatum
  28. “There’s no bad consequence to loving fully, comma with all your heart. You always gain by giving love.” –Reese Witherspoon
  29. “You know, what can I say. If a relationship can’t work out, make a record.” –Miley Cyrus
  30. “I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald
  31. “Don’t forget. I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” –Notting Hill
  32. “That’s my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that’s where my home is.” –The Notebook
  33. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” –The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  34. “The things that people in love do to each other, they remember. And if they stay together, it’s not because they forget. It’s because they forgive.” –Indecent Proposal
  35. “I know they say the first love is the sweetest but that first cut is the deepest.” –Drake
  36. “Three things I want in a relationship: Eyes that won’t cry, lips that won’t lie, and love that won’t die.” –Wiz Khalifa
  37. “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” –The Beatles
  38. “You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone.” –Rihanna
  39. “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald
  40. “Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.” –Anthony Robbins

    Image: @mindykaling

  41. “I think it’s important to have closure in any relationship that ends – from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.” –Jennifer Aniston
  42. “Sometimes the greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that sweep you off your feet and challenge every view you’ve ever had.” –The Vampire Diaries
  43. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” –Donald Miller
  44. “Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.” –Kaleel Jamison
  45. “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” –Thomas Merton
  46. “Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy. Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words ‘for ever.’ But love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don’t like doing it.” –Marian Keyes
  47. “Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” –James Baldwin
  48. “We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” –Joyce Meyer
  49. “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” –Anthony Robbins
  50. “For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.” –Stephanie Perkins
  51. “Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.” –Gillian Anderson
  52. “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.” –Nick Hornby
  53. “I want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a ceremonious validation of what you already show me.” –Dr. Steve Maraboli
  54. “Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.” –Nicholas Sparks
  55. “To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” –Criss Jami
  56. “We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.” –Cornel West
  57. “I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.” –Jarod Kintz
  58. “I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” –Dr. Steve Maraboli
  59. “Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.” –Bridget Jones’s Diary

    Image: @theclooneys

  60. “The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.” –Pandora Poikilos
  61. “Because isn’t that the point of every relationship: to be known by someone else, to be understood? He gets me. She gets me. Isn’t that the simple magic phrase?” –Gone Girl
  62. “I think you have different soul mates throughout your life, that your soul needs different things at different times.” –Kim Kardashian
  63. “You don’t love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults.” –William Faulkner
  64. “I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.” –Alice Walker
  65. “Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.” –Rainer Maria Rilke
  66. “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” –James Baldwin
  67. “I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn’t matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.” –Julia Roberts
  68. “We’ve got the gift of love. But love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard, or just think it’s going to get on with itself. You gotta keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it, and be careful of it, and keep the flies off and see that it’s alright, and nurture it.” –John Lennon
  69. “Be honest, brutally honest. That is what’s going to maintain relationships.” –Lauryn Hill
  70. “Intense love does not measure… it just gives.” –Mother Teresa
  71. “It’s nice to be with someone, but I don’t think you need to be in a relationship to feel complete. That would be really sad.” –Kristin Davis
  72. “In a relationship each person should support each other. They should lift each other up.” –Taylor Swift
  73. “The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together.” –Barbara De Angelis
  74. “So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.” –Ellen DeGeneres
  75. “It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them.” –Anthony Storr
  76. “Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you’re in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.” –Nick Cannon
  77. “If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.” –Steve Jobs
  78. “To be fully seen by somebody… and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” –Elizabeth Gilbert
  79. “You know it’s never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It’s always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.” –Jodi Picoult
  80. “Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.” –Katharine Hepburn

    Image: @taylorswift

  81. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” –Dr. Seuss
  82. “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
  83. “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.” –Pablo Neruda
  84. “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” –Robert A. Heinlein
  85. “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.” –The Notebook
  86. “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect. You love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.” –Jodi Picoult
  87. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” –1 Corinthians 13:4-8
  88. “So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” –The Alchemist
  89. “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” –John Lennon
  90. “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” –Louise Erdrich
  91. “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” –Dave Matthews
  92. “No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater …The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key. It’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.” –Sarah Dessen

    Image: @oprah

  93. “He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” –Wuthering Heights
  94. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” –Joan Crawford
  95. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
  96. “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
  97. “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made all the time, made new.” –Ursula K. Le Guin
  98. “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” –Tom Robbins
  99. “It isn’t possible to love and to part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.” –A Room with a View
  100. “Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” –Bob Marley
  101. “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” –Maya Angelou

Yes, I Met My Boyfriend Online…

When I was 18 years old, I did something pretty crazy; I agreed to meet a boy from the Internet in person. Back then, online relationships were still a fairly new concept, and there were a handful of people who tried to discourage me from meeting this boy. They tried to convince me that he wouldn’t be who he claimed he was, or that he had some bad intentions for meeting me, but I was determined to go through with it. We had been communicating through Skype for a couple of years, and I had a strong gut feeling that he was actually the person he appeared to be online. Luckily, I was right, and I was able to prove everyone wrong. It has been three years now, and yes, we’re still together.

Although it’s becoming much more acceptable than it was several years ago, there is still a negative stigma surrounding online dating. Don’t get me wrong, I love the show “Catfish,” but I feel like it’s sending out the wrong message about online relationships. Not everyone online is lying about their identity, and not everyone online is a psycho serial killer, either. There is a great possibility that the person on the other side of the screen is just as normal as you are, and despite what others may say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a romantic relationship, or even a friendship with someone you meet on the Internet.

At first, I was always hesitant to answer truthfully when people asked how I met my boyfriend. People will always assume that I was on some random dating website, or that I was spending my time as a teenager seeking a relationship on the Internet, but the truth is, I wasn’t. Our meeting was purely coincidental; neither of us was looking for a romantic relationship. It just kind of…happened.

I can vividly remember the day we met in person, and I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t majorly freaking out for the entire week beforehand. But once he got here and we got to spend time together in person, I knew that I had made the right choice. I’m glad that I didn’t listen to the people who warned me against meeting him because now we are three years into our relationship, we’re living together, and I honestly couldn’t be happier.

I’ll admit, it’s an extremely nerve-racking experience meeting someone from the Internet, but it’s totally worth it. Of course, you should still take the safe route and make sure you meet in a public place, let family and friends know where you’re meeting them, etc. But as long as there’s not a single doubt in your mind that this person is the real deal, I wholeheartedly encourage you to go for it. The experience may very well end up changing your life.

Yes, I did meet a weirdo from the Internet, but he’s the good kind of weird, and I love him very much.

10 Signs Your Online Date Could Lead To Lasting Love

You’ve hit the jackpot.

Be honest. Every time you check your email, are you hoping for a message from that guy you met on an online dating site? Do you get butterflies when you see his email address in your inbox?

This could be the start of something special… or it could just be a little fling. Are there ways for how to know if a guy likes you online? You’re in luck, because here are 10 signs your online date is leading to love.

1. There’s no stop and go.

When online dating, you’ll encounter a lot of people who are good at pulling the disappearing act. You’ll be mid-conversation, when — poof! — they disappear for two weeks and then appear again as if nothing ever happened. If you’re talking to someone who is very consistent in their frequency of communication — and that frequency is frequent — that means a few good things.

First, it means you are probably the only person they are talking to. They don’t have time to email a dozen people multiple times a day. Second, it means they are ready to prioritize love. They don’t just forget about their online dating account because work got busy or guests came into town.

2. You want a date at the same time.

You both hit the “Perhaps we should meet” point at the exact same time. This means, you act on the same instinct — your instincts respond to the same stimuli. Something about that last conversation you had said to both of you, “It’s time to meet this person.”

Odds are, if your timing matches up on that, it will match up on other things, like when you say “I love you” or when you decide to move in together.

3. You email about the little things.

​Do you feel the need to email someone about every funny thing that happens in an elevator, or in line at the grocery store? Are you thrilled to read their similar emails? That’s wonderful. Why? Because 90 percent of life is insignificant, minute, and just silly.

You want to be with someone who makes the small, insignificant parts of life fun and entertaining — someone whose perspective and humor on life amuses you. Also, if you’re thinking of someone when even the tiniest thing happens, they must have caught your attention somehow.

4. You share the same theory on timing.

You both think it’s important to be single for three months, six months, or even two years after ending a serious relationship. How much importance someone puts on spending time alone between relationships is telling of many important traits.

First, it tells you how happy they are in their individual life — how fulfilled they are with their career, their social life, their hobbies and so on. An unhappy person looks to always have a relationship to fill their void.

Next, it shows you how independent they are. If a person is okay with being alone for long periods of time, they most likely won’t be an irrationally needy partner. That’s one of the serious signs for how to know if a guy likes you online.

5. The serious things aren’t serious.

Have an alcoholic aunt? What about a dad who’s cheated on your mom more times than you can count? If you find yourself joking about these parts of your life with someone you met online, that’s a very good sign. For some reason, there are people who just open us up — people who make us feel like our dirty laundry isn’t all that dirty.

You want someone who is able to roll with the punches and find the humor in the dark things that happen in life. It’s rare to find a person who makes you more willing to roll with the punches and find the humor in things. If you find them, see if you can keep them.

6. You define “partner” the same way.

You’ll find a lot of people online “looking to be treated like a princess” or “looking for their princess.” Good. Those two should meet. Everyone has a different idea of what purpose a partner should serve in their life.

To you, is a partner a best friend? Is it someone you want to share every little thing with, or, would you reserve some info for just your friends? Get into conversations with someone online about detailed ways they want a partner involved in their life. If your criteria match up almost eye to eye, you’d most likely have a very smooth relationship.

7. You’ve met the same number of people.

You’ve both met only four or five people from the internet, in person, in the last three months. Or, you’ve both met 30. Okay, stay away from people who’ve met 30 people in three months. But if you’ve both met the same number of people, that means you are equally as selective.

You both require the same amount or type of information from someone before committing to meeting them in person. That sameness in judgment when it comes to online dating probably translates to judgment in other parts of life.

8. They find your warnings cute.

“I think you should know I over-think things;” “I think you should know I cry a lot;” “I think you should know I play crazy violent video games.” It’s such a great feeling to be able to tell someone something that previous partners found odd or annoying about you, and have them clearly not even flinch.

If you can “warn” someone about something about you, and to them it’s not even a bad thing, you’re on your way to a good thing. Plus, the fact that you could tell them about that thing means they already make you comfortable.

9. You both get offline at the same time.

After spending some real life time together, you both decide on your own, separately (but you eventually find out), that it’s time to shut down that online dating profile. That’s a big commitment — cutting off the possibility of meeting all those matches.

That really means something. Again, you act on the same instinct.

10. You lose the sense that you met online.

When you just completely fall into a quality and effortless relationship with someone, it will feel weird when people ask you, “So, how’d you meet?” We associate online dating with effort — something you don’t associate a quality relationship with.

Also, when it’s just right, the person slips into your life so seamlessly, it feels like you could have just met them at a bar on any given night. You feel like, put in your presence in any way, you would have ended up together regardless. If you feel funny saying, “We met online,” you’ve found the other pea to your pod.

When it comes to an adorable meet-cute and a “how we met” story that your children will swoon over, “he swiped right” typically doesn’t come to mind.

In fact, a lot of women have a good deal of anxiety about using dating apps for that very reason. They don’t want to have to tell people if they do end up meeting someone serious. So I asked people who are dating someone they met on an app how they feel about owning up to it, and their responses kind of surprised me.

While it may have taken them some time to ease into it, for them, meeting someone great is totally worth it.

‘It Doesn’t Really Matter’

Eric explains that not only does he not think twice about telling people he met someone on Tinder, but the people he tells don’t blink either. “We’re very forthright about it; we don’t try to hide that we met on Tinder or anything,” Eric says. “To me, it doesn’t really matter where or how we met, and that’s the reaction I get from most people when asked.”

‘We Never Would Have Met’

Julia also never really had qualms about telling people the truth about her meet-cute. “I met my boyfriend on Hinge this past summer, and it was very unexpected. He was recently single, so he was equally as ambivalent to any expectation beyond having fun, as I was,” Julia explains. Despite their lack of intention, love found them anyway. “Against my original thoughts of a fun summer fling, he has turned into someone very important in my life,” Julia says. “We are both very honest about how we met with people because honestly, if it weren’t for Hinge, we never would have met. Dating apps are so common these days that I don’t think there’s anything to be ashamed of. It’s a really great way to put yourself out there to meet people outside of your circle.”

‘I Decided to Own It’

Not all of the happily matched dating app users were so totally unfazed by telling people they met on an app. Sure, dating apps are common, but it’s still uncommon for two people to actually date.

Lilly explains, “I used to be tentative to tell people how I met my boyfriend because of how I thought it would reflect in terms of my ‘extracurricular’ activities. I mean, how do you tell your grandma you met on Tinder? But then I realized how lucky and proud I am of who I am dating, I decided to own it.”

Lilly’s tactic for making the “How did you guys meet?” question a nonissue? Keep it light. “I tend to laugh it off when I say we met on Tinder and always lead with ‘We actually met on . . .’ in anticipation of people being caught off guard,” Lilly explains. “I think it intrigues people when I explain that he’s from London, and I’m from New York, and how exactly that worked under the original Tinder criteria. But it reminds people that love and romance can happen through many different channels, and they respect your honesty in owning it.”

‘It Was a Little Embarrassing’

For Mary, love was also something she kind of stumbled into while using Tinder for fun. “To be completely honest, my girlfriends and I used Tinder as a drinking game,” Mary shares. “I never expected anything to come of it!” But, as fate would have it, she met the love of her life on Tinder, and she had to come to terms with that pretty quickly. “It was a little embarrassing for me for about the first six months of dating just because I always associated people who online date as ‘desperate’ or too socially awkward to meet somebody the old-fashioned way,” Mary admits.

Mary isn’t alone in her misconceptions about people who use dating apps. According to a Pew Research poll back in 2005, 29 percent of U.S. adults agreed that people who use online dating sites are desperate. As of 2015, that percentage of people has decreased a bit (23 percent), but it seems it is still a popular perspective.

Now, Mary explains, she totally owns it. “That embarrassment faded out, and now I love telling people we met on Tinder! We think it’s hilarious and rather unconventional, but that matches us, so it works.”

‘It Wasn’t Something to Be Afraid Of’

Emily, who has been making a concerted effort to not participate in the hookup culture, was especially anxious about what people might think. “I was hesitant to admit we met on Tinder since there is a certain connotation that goes with it,” Emily explains. “When people first asked me, I tried to avoid a direct answer by tying in some loose connections we already had through his sister.”

So, how did Emily get past the awkward explaining? Her boyfriend’s calmness and confidence in the face of their unconventional meeting. “The first time we were asked together, he just flat out said ‘Tinder’ without any hesitation,” Emily said. “Since my initial shock, I realized that it wasn’t something to be afraid of because how we met doesn’t define the awesome, intentional relationship we were able to build. Tinder may be why we went on a first date, but it isn’t the reason we are getting married.”

Photo Credit: Shannon Lee Miller

Once upon a time, internet dating was a vaguely embarrassing pursuit. Who wanted to be one of those lonely hearts trolling the singles bars of cyberspace? These days, however, the New York Times Vows section—famous for its meet-cute stories of the blissfully betrothed—is full of couples who trumpet the love they found through Ok Cupid or Tinder. Today an estimated one-third of marrying couples in the U.S. met online, and as many as 15 percent of American adults have used dating sites or apps. (Even Martha Stewart, who in 2013 declared in her Match profile that she was looking for a “lover of animals, grandchildren, and the outdoors.” Martha, have you considered Raya, the private celebrity dating app?)

Locking eyes across a crowded room might make for a lovely song lyric, but when it comes to romantic potential, nothing rivals technology, according to Helen Fisher, PhD, a biological anthropologist, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and chief scientific adviser to Match. “It’s more possible to find someone now than at probably any other time in history, particularly if you’re older. You don’t have to stand in a bar and wait for the right one to come along,” says Fisher. “And we’ve found that people looking for a sweetheart on the internet are more likely to have full-time employment and higher education, and to be seeking a long-term partner. Online dating is the way to go—you just have to learn to work the system.”

Related Stories So take heart: Whether you’re a first-time player or a seasoned contestant who wants to up her game, our troubleshooting guide is here to help, with advice from both experts and survivors on how to search strategically, handle setbacks gracefully, maintain sanity, and enjoy the ride—with minimal agony and maximum ecstasy. Your eligible bachelor awaits!

How To…Get Better at Online Dating

For guidance, O Style Features Director Holly Carter turned to a pro.

Seven years ago, I signed up for Match.com, but I never took it seriously. For me, online dating is like exercise: At the end of the day, it’s easier to watch TV. But at 44, I started to realize that if I want a companion before Social Security kicks in, I have to leave the couch. I needed a trainer, someone who could help me focus—only instead of getting defined abs, I’d get a mate (hopefully, with defined abs). Enter Damona Hoffman, dating coach and host of the Dates & Mates podcast, who promises rapid results if I just follow a few tough-love rules….


“I got a surprise phone call from their wife.”
Married daters are more common than we’d like to think, says dating coach Laurel House, host of the podcast The Man Whisperer. Her tip: “A little pre-date due diligence is smart. Do a Google image search with his photo to see if it links to a Facebook or Instagram account.” This can also protect you from scam artists—be wary if the photos seem too perfect or his language is considerably more fluent in his profile than in his messages. And if he tells you he lost his wallet and needs a loan? Run.

Treat it like it’s your job.

The first thing Hoffman tells me: “This takes time and attention. I want you to be on the site at least three hours a week.” Uh-oh. That’s three episodes of The Sinner.

Put style in your profile.

Kindly, Hoffman refrains from mocking my unassisted self-description: “I’m a loving person who likes trying new restaurants and a sweet treat before bed.” (I never realized how dirty that sounds.) She asks about my hobbies, how my coworkers would fill in the “most likely to” blank. She then revises my profile, noting that I love cooking vegetables I grow in my garden, that Dave Chappelle has my kind of humor, that “meeting new people excites me: I could spend half an hour talking to the cashiers at Trader Joe’s.”

Tip: Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I drop a pin and let a friend know where I am.

Three-quarters of the profile should be about me, and the other quarter about what I want in a mate, says Hoffman, who tells me to be specific here, too: The goal isn’t to attract everyone, it’s to find The One. We come up with “My ideal match is someone who loves family, has an opinion on current events, and can hold his own at a cocktail party on a Friday night, then chill with me on a lazy Saturday.” The final touch is a headline that sums up my approach to life, like a personal slogan. Hoffman suggests “Family. Kindness. Friends. Faith. That’s what I value most.” Hmm. I’m spiritual and go to church, but “faith” sounds heavy. I swap it for “fun.”


“He sent a really personal photo.”
Why does a man have to text a pic of his penis when “Hello” would suffice? One possible explanation, offered by Justin Lehmiller, PhD, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want, is that men tend to overestimate the sexual interest of women they casually encounter, so they may assume the “gift” will be welcome. And if they occasionally get a positive response, they may figure it can’t hurt to try again. “In psychology research, we call this a ‘variable reinforcement schedule,'” Lehmiller says. “It’s like a slot machine—the majority of the time, you pull the lever and nothing happens, but every once in a while, there’s a payoff.” A deflating solution from one online dater: “Draw a face on it and send it back to him.”

Work your angles.

Hoffman looks at my photos and nixes the corporate headshot and mirror selfie. “You want to look natural and inviting. Mirror selfies often give off an air of vanity.” She says the best profile shots feature the three Cs: color (vibrant shades, especially red, grab attention), context (pics that involve your hobbies, like travel or, say, clog dancing), and character (something quirky or funny, “like you in your Halloween costume”).

The Headshot The Selfie The Mirror Selfie

For the main photo, we do a close headshot where I’m smiling into the camera. For the others, we do one of me outside in a green dress, one where I’m wearing something sparkly, and another where I’m standing on an escalator. This doesn’t reveal much about me besides my aversion to stairs, but it’s a full body shot, which Hoffman recommends. Agreed—as a curvy girl, I want to avoid first-date surprises.

I skip quirky. I haven’t worn a Halloween costume since I went as a pack of grape Hubba Bubba in sixth grade.


“The photo was dreamy. The reality is…scary.”
If they’re older/paunchier/have more neck bolts than he does in the photos, choose compassion, says New York dating coach Connell Barrett. “He probably lied because it’s a sore spot.” Just have one polite drink. Who knows? You may wind up charmed—and it’s the human thing to do.

Take charge.

One reason I’ve been passive about online dating: Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste. (When you’re a black woman in your 40s, why do all your matches look like George Jefferson?) Hoffman says the algorithm, like a boyfriend, can’t read my mind; I need to message and “like” guys I find appealing if I want to start seeing similar people in my results. Plus, being more active should bump my profile toward the top, so I’ll be more visible.

Tip: I try to appreciate the bad dates. The craziest nights are your best stories.

I should make my messages personal, advises Hoffman: “Comment on something in his profile and follow with a question.” Dutifully, I tell one bespectacled prospect, “I like melty ice cream, too. What’s your favorite flavor?” I have some interesting chats, but nothing leads anywhere. After a lengthy back-and-forth with a cute guy who asks why I’m still single (beats me!), I try a Hoffman move, writing, “That’s a story better told over a drink.” He suggests… chicken fingers. As in fast food? Is this a sex thing I don’t know about?

But then—success! Someone “likes” me and asks me out within three messages. He’s into photography and makes his own pasta—and he is an Adonis. We have a short phone call, as Hoffman recommends, to set something up. His voice is velvety, but I’m skeptical. That’s online dating: You meet the freakazoids and think, This is the worst. You find someone great and think, Am I going to be on the next episode of Catfish?


“They’re cute! They’re fun! They vanished.”
Ghosting happens to the best of us, says therapist and dating coach Melanie Hersch. To stay sane, she says, “stop telling yourself stories to explain it, like ‘It’s because I’m not good enough.’ Trying to figure out why someone didn’t choose you is like trying to swim with ankle weights: You’ll get pulled right down instead of moving forward. Let him disappear and make way for the partner you deserve.”

Don’t rush it.

On the day of the date, I meet him at a restaurant. (Hoffman wouldn’t approve; she said to make the first date a quick drink, one hour max, but when Hunkamania suggested dinner, I couldn’t resist.) He’s just as swoon worthy in person as his photos! I’m supposed to focus on how I feel, not on “the package”—but it’s hard when the package is so beautifully wrapped.


He’s sweet, too, talking about his grandma, and we follow dinner with drinks. By the time he drops me off at my door, I’ve exceeded my time limit by three hours and 32 minutes. It’s kind of like blowing a diet: You know what you’re supposed to do, but then you see dessert, and will power goes out the window. I realize I got lucky, that this was the dating equivalent of finding a magical unicorn. Plenty of my friends do online dating like it’s an Olympic sport, and they’ve had the most romantic evenings of their lives with guys who then promptly vaporize into the earth’s atmosphere. But whatever happens, it feels good to be back in the game. I decide to message Mr. Chicken Fingers, knowing I shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket.

“They sent a Venmo request for my half of the bill.”
That’s not only unchivalrous but passive-aggressive, says Barrett. “When this happened to a friend of mine, she sent the entire amount with a note that said, ‘Looks like you need this more than I do.’”

How to…Increase Your Odds of Finding a Match

Meet 9 people. Our brains are best equipped to handle five to nine options—any more, and we go into cognitive overload. “At that point you just start looking for reasons to say no, like ‘Look at his ugly shoes,’” says Fisher. Pick nine, meet in person, then take a break while you get to know at least one.

Set 3 deal-breakers. “If there’s something you truly can’t tolerate—smoking, for instance—okay, but I give clients a limit,” says House.“Most people focus on wants: hot, funny. You find the right one when you focus on needs: communication, mutual respect.”

Give it 3 dates. “Even if you don’t feel ‘chemistry,’” says House. “Chemistry doesn’t last. Attraction is important, but if someone meets your needs, you may find the attraction follows.”


“He said we’d have great kids, and later texted ‘Are we a couple?’ It was our first date.”
If you don’t want to ghost or fake your death, says Barrett, text back: “I had a great time, but I’ve had a couple of dates with someone else, and I’d like to see where it goes. But there’s an amazing woman out there who will be lucky to get you.”

How to…Find the Best Dating Platform

If you seek: Wedded bliss

Answer an in-depth survey based on 29 “dimensions of compatibility” (e.g., humor, physical energy, communication style), then get a new list of potential soul mates regularly—no searching required.

If you seek: Other grownups

Don’t worry, someone here will get your pop culture references: 39 percent of Match users are in the 37–52 age group, and 27 percent are between 53 and 72.

If you seek: The hip crowd

An entertaining questionnaire (“Do you believe in dinosaurs?”) and open options: Look for anything from a partner to a polyamorous paramour.

If you seek: The driver’s seat

With this app, every night is ladies’ night: Swipe right on an attractive gentleman, and if he’s interested, it’s up to you to make the first move.

If you seek: Maximum efficiency

The “swipe surge” feature, available in select cities, alerts you when the app is getting a lot of action, so you can get some, too.

If you seek: A date with destiny

This geolocation-based app shows you well-matched users who are close by; check your Timeline to find hot prospects who have recently crossed your path.

If you seek: A big pond

Plenty of Fish
Cast a really wide net on this free site with more than 150 million users; quiz lovers will dig the cheekily revealing questions about relationship needs and seduction styles.


“We’re perfect, but their profile is still up.”
Hold off on The Talk until the three-month mark, which gives him a chance to form an attachment, advises psychiatrist Ish Major, MD, co-host of WE TV’s Marriage Bootcamp Reality Stars. “And at that point, if he shares your feelings, you’ll be more comfortable defining expectations. If he doesn’t, it maybe time to think about moving on.”

Illustrations by Annie Wu.

This story originally appeared in the February 2019 issue of O.

January is the hottest time of year for online dating

“Did it just get hot in here?”

That’s how OKCupid IAC, -2.93% greets users who upload photos to their online dating profiles. Such positive affirmation and the clicks of other singletons might help people feel less cold on these cold winter nights, as the holidays draw to a closer the winter closes in.

Online dating companies say that January is the busiest time of year for new members and connections. “That idea makes sense to me. Maybe if you see nothing but snow outside your window for days, you might think, ‘I’ll give this a try.’ That feeling of isolation or disconnect might motivate people to reactivate their Tinder profile,” said Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communications studies at University of Kansas.

‘For many lovelorn singletons, the holidays are the loneliest time of year and, in the New Year, the $3 billion dating industry sees a surge in users.’

Even Sharon Stone wants a date. Last week, the actress tweeted TWTR, -2.23% that she was kicked off the dating site Bumble as other users reported her profile as fake. “I went on the @bumble dating sight and they closed my account,” she wrote. “Some users reported that it couldn’t possibly be me! Hey @bumble, is being me exclusionary? Don’t shut me out of the hive.”

Clare O’Connor, editorial director at Bumble, tweeted at Stone that her profile had been reinstated. “HA! @sharonstone, we at @bumble found your account, unblocked you, and ensured this won’t happen again,” she wrote. “You can get back to Bumbling! Thanks for bearing with us and hope you find your honey.” (Stone’s tweet was retweeted over 4,000 times and received 44,000 likes.)

Don’t miss: ‘He emptied our joint account!’ — three husbands and one boyfriend tried to steal this woman’s money

At least, she is not alone. Dating app Zoosk typically sees a 20% jump in users in the first two weeks of the year and eHarmony sees a similar increase in mobile registrations since the holidays. Grindr, an app for gay men, usually experiences a 30%-plus increase in users over the holiday season. Match.com and OKCupid also see an uptick between Christmas and Valentine’s Day.

Studies show that many online daters lie about their age, although some dating sites have recently taken steps to penalize users

Another reason for the surge in dating-app activity may be connected to post-holiday blues. “Many singles sit around the family dinner table during the holidays and think, ‘Maybe it would be better to have a partner,’” says Mark Brooks, a dating-industry analyst and the editor of Online Personals Watch. “That’s when they start hitting dating sites in droves and go on dates before the indigestion sets in.”

Recommended: Your partner’s credit score reveals red flags that have nothing to do with money

With the constant stream of happy holiday photographs over social-networking sites like Facebook and Instagram FB, -3.64%, experts say the pressure to be in a romance this time of year has never been so intense. “There’s an onslaught of images of family and togetherness,” says Pepper Schwartz, author of “Dating After 50 for Dummies.” Bad weather doesn’t hurt either.

Who wouldn’t want to emulate the happy photographs of couples over the holidays? But online dating isn’t cheap. Free apps nudge people to upgrade their service for a fee, and the fee-only sites are aimed (in theory) at serious daters. Roughly 30 million unique users, or about 10% of the U.S. population, visit dating sites every month, according to market researcher Nielsen.

‘People don’t post about the family screaming at each other, they post idealistic pictures of children opening their gifts.’

Match.com charges between $16 and $36 a month, depending on the length of time you sign up for, and eHarmony charges between $10 and $60 a month. Users can save by signing on for, say, a six-month bundle. And some sites and apps, like PlentyofFish.com, Tinder, Grindr and OkCupid, offer basic membership for free.

Those prices of course don’t include the cost of the dates themselves. Studies suggest that single people spend between $1,596 and $2,069 per year going on dates, depending on where they live. That price tag includes preparations for a date. But in cities like New York, dinner for two with wine can easily top $150.

The good news: At a 10-year high, wage growth for American workers likely to keep accelerating. Millions of single people may have more money to spend on dating. A 10-year-long bull market and economic growth, despite predictions of a recession, have help: The Dow Jones Industrial Average DJIA, -2.09% is up 21.4% over the last 12 months; the S&P 500 SPX, -1.77% is up 27%.

Americans are practical, even when it comes to love. Some 56% of people say they want a partner who provides financial security more than “head over heels” love (44%), a recent survey released by Merrill Edge, an online discount brokerage and division of Bank of America Merrill Lynch BAC, -1.94%, found.

This sentiment is held in almost equal measure by both men and women (54% and 57%), which may not be a surprise given that people are getting married later in life and, as such, probably have more assets and are looking for someone who is equally financially secure and/or solvent. Generation Z (born between 1996 and 2010) was the only cohort to choose love (54%) over money.

Singletons like Stone should exercise caution, however. Studies show that many online daters lie about their age, although some dating sites have recently taken steps to penalize users for taking years of their age in an effort to prevent that. Other singletons use filters or airbrushing apps to make themselves look fresher.

Getty Images for GQ Germany Even Sharon Stone appears to be having trouble finding a date online.

Don’t miss: Stormy Daniels on the most attractive quality in a man: ‘A good credit score.’

Dating sites provide access to more potential partners than do traditional dating methods, according to one study published in the journal “Psychological Science in the Public Interest,” “but the act of browsing and comparing large numbers of profiles can lead individuals to commoditize potential partners and can reduce their willingness to commit to any one person.”

Women told eHarmony researchers they place more value on emotional and financial stability. Men prioritized physical attraction and health.

They also provide troves of data on relationships. Dating website eHarmony, a company founded in 2000 to find heterosexual couples long-term relationships, asked more than 2,300 people who have a partner of the same or opposite sex whether they were content in their relationship. The survey zeroed in on several factors that the happiest respondents had in common.

They had a healthy sex life and an equal balance of economic power, were most likely to be younger (between the ages of 25 and 44), have two kids, each earn at least $75,000 a year and have a B.A. than their unhappier counterparts. Over 60% of LGBT couples say their relationship is more focused on quality time than sex, although they tend to have more sex than their heterosexual counterparts.

Read also: ‘Divorce is like going through a terrible recession’

Couples also noted two more things: Improved awareness of social justice issues and similar political convictions correlated with happiness. Women told eHarmony researchers that they place more value on emotional and financial stability, while men tend to find happiness, physical attraction and health as the most desirable traits in a mate.

The downside: people get ghosted on dating sites. That is, they’re either ignored or the conversation runs dry. “A lot of people do give up on the New Year’s resolution,” Hall says, “just like going on a diet or exercising. It’s hard to keep the new habit maintained. It’s certainly the case that people find online dating to be work.”

“Either way, it’s a lot of rejection.”

Quentin Fottrell

Quentin Fottrell is MarketWatch’s personal-finance editor and The Moneyist columnist for MarketWatch. You can follow him on Twitter @quantanamo.

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Is online dating right for me?

The advantages and disadvantages that come with online dating

Written by SpunOut | View this authors Twitter page and posted in life

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Online dating and dating apps are a normal part of dating for most people. Primarily we use online using apps like Tinder, Grindr or dating sites like Plenty of Fish. More and more people are find online dating to be a good way of meeting compatible people with similar interests. However, like any form of dating, it comes with its own specific set of risks that you need to keep in mind when you’re thinking of taking your first steps into the digital dating world.

In this article

  • What are the advantages of online dating?
  • What about the disadvantages?
  • So is online dating right for me?
  • Safety advice

What are the advantages of online dating?

If you’re struggling to meet people with similar interests in your day-to-day life, online dating can be a great way to find people with the same interests as you. For those of us who aren’t that confident with approaching new people, it can is also a great way to break the ice without breaking into a sweat.

Online dating is fast, easy and convenient, simple process and it’s easy to fit around your schedule.

What about the disadvantages?

It’s easy to pretend to be a different person online, and unfortunately, this happens on online dating sites quite often. You never know who is at the other end of a conversation, and it is important to remember this when getting to know a person online. So even if you’re having a great chat with someone online, always approach cautiously – they may not be who they say they are.

Because people can stay anonymous on dating apps, it means that online dating can be used by sexual predators and other people with sinister motives. It’s really important you are aware of this, and keep yourself away from any dangerous situations.

Dating apps offer many different potential partners. This can lead to a shopper mentality, in which users can move on very quickly. It can make it more difficult to start up a longer-lasting relationship.

Sometimes it can be difficult to really judge how compatible you are with someone without having interacted with them face to face. Even though you may have had some amazing conversations online, when you meet face to face it could turn out to be a complete disaster, and you are much less compatible that it had seemed.

So is online dating right for me?

There is a huge range of experiences you can get from online dating. It may turn out you’ll meet your soulmate on Tinder, or OkCupid may send you on the worst date of your life. More than likely, something in between will happen, and this is fine. There is no harm in trying out one of these apps or websites, and it may even turn out to be a really positive thing for you. Most importantly, if you do decide to enter the world of online dating, you must make sure you are safe, comfortable, and protecting yourself at all times.

Online dating safety advice

Online dating can be a great way to meet people, but you need to make sure everything stays safe. Just like you’d avoid dangerous situations in real life, you should avoid them online too.

Here are some tips for looking after your safety when online dating:

  • Keep your personal information to yourself. Never give out your address, where you work, or where you go to school.
  • Do not ever give out your financial information.
  • Use your first name, or a nickname. Don’t give out your full name.
  • Let your friends and family know who you’re talking to online. Online dating is very common now, and nothing to be ashamed of. Open up and have conversations about it.

Meeting with someone you met online

Before you decide to meet:

  • Talk on the phone first; this will make it easier to determine that your date is the age and gender they say they are
  • Be picky in who you give your number to
  • Insist on calling the other person, and be sure to hide your number ahead of time.
  • You could also consider doing a video call too. However, make sure not to behave sexually on the call, as this could be recorded without your knowledge or consent.

If you decide to meet in person:

  • Make sure you meet in a busy public place. Go somewhere like a cafe, restaurant or shopping centre. You could even bring along a friend.
  • Always tell a friend or family member if you’re going to meet them. Tell them who you’re meeting, and where you’re going.
  • Don’t get into a car with someone you meet online. During your first few meetings, never get into a car with someone you met online.
  • Arrange your own transport in advance, so you know how your getting home.
  • Don’t send intimate or sexual photos.
  • Never feel under pressure to meet up or move too quickly with your relationship. If the relationship is really worth pursuing, the other person will respect and understand your need to move at your own pace.
  • If a person displays anger, tries to pressure you, gives inconsistent information about themselves, or refuses to speak to you on the phone, something isn’t right. Move on.
  • If you decide to meet someone, and feel in any way unsafe, call a friend or family member and ask that person to come and meet you. If you need to, call the police. Don’t be embarrassed. Be safe.

For more information about protecting yourself online visit our Online Safey Hub.