Table of Contents
- Why you look ugly in photos – and some ways to solve it
- Myth: “The photo I used was just what I really look like”
- #1 Camera distortion warps your proportions
- #2 Going from 3D to 2D creates optical illusions
- #3 Most pictures are disappointing because your brain is like Photoshop
- #4 Movement matters a lot in person but not at all in photos
- #5 Each photo exaggerates a specific story
- Remember: it’s a picture, not you as a person
- #1: The shooting angle is too low
- #2: You are too close or far
- #3: Your eyes aren’t smiling
- #4: Your body position is wrong
- #5: You smiled for too long and it went weird
- #6: You weren’t paying attention or you weren’t ready
- #7: You pulled a face
- #8: You only took one photo and didn’t check it
- #9: You’re generally ‘not into it’
- #10: Bonus tip: You look good in your own way
- The Problems, As I See Them (In Photographs)
- Conclusion: Patience
Why you look ugly in photos – and some ways to solve it
Let’s face it, if you’re not a rare photogenic beauty or if you don’t have good photographers as friends, you most likely look terrible in photos. So, does that mean you’re ugly? If so, why is it that you look so much better when looking at yourself in the mirror? Let’s explore these questions and try to find out how we can look our best in photos.
A window into a flat world
Your eyes capture the visual essence of the outside world. Simply closing your eyes and imagining what it would be like to be blind is terrifying in and of itself. But have you ever thought about what it would be like to live with only one eye? When we try to focus our view on something really small or far away, we close one of our eyes. However, there’s something missing when we utilize this technique –– it’s the stereo vision!
Human eyes come in twos, but unlike horses which have one on each side, we have both of them right in front of our heads. Thanks to the close side-by-side positioning, each eye takes a view of the same area from a slightly different angle. The two eye views have plenty in common, but they also complement each other — each eye picks up visual information the other doesn’t. You can easily see what I’m talking about by closing each of your eyes for a second and then comparing the views. So, each eye takes a separate view, but in the end, both images are combined after processing occurs in the brain. The small differences between the two images add up to a big difference in the final picture! The combined image is more than the sum of its parts: it is a three-dimensional stereo picture. The brain also ignores the nose — which would have been a drag to always see for the rest of your life. Thank you, brain!
I’d recommend you follow the story of Susan Barry, a woman who, for 48 years of her life, was stuck in a flat, 2-D world.
So, the main point here is that we see in 3-D. A camera has only one eye, so photography flattens images in a way that mirrors do not. Also, depending on the focal length and distance from the subject, the lens can create unflattering geometric distortions. For instance, if a photo is taken with a short focal length (zoomed out) and at the same time the subject is also close to the camera, then you’ll get a fisheye lens effect that skews the portrait, making the nose and forehead look bigger. A good photographer knows he needs to position himself farther away and then zoom in if needed. Indeed, this amplifies the shaking effect, but keeping the camera still using a tripod does the job.
Then there’s another factor – unless your face is perfectly symmetrical, people see it differently than you do in a mirror. This is because mirror images are reversed, as opposed to what photos capture and what others see directly. Watch these two photos of Abe Lincoln below to get an idea of what this means:
Also, when looking yourself in the mirror, you have the advantage of always correcting the angle in real-time. Unconsciously, you’ll always look at yourself from a good angle. In contrast, photos always seem to catch you at a bad angle. Everybody, no matter how ugly they are, has a good (or at least, better) side.
Flash ruins everything
When you look at a real-life object, you have the advantage of automatically compensating for lighting as your eyes adjust to see better, while your brain also processes the image for the best contrast. When mental calibration is absent, a photo will often turn out with shades and lights that not only look unnatural but also unflattering as well. Things get a lot worse in the dark when you need to turn the flash on. The flash makes the skin look shiny and greasy and sharpens the edges of your face, making you look like a polygon troll. For your best pose, try to take photos outdoors under natural lighting. In fact, according to OK Cupid, a camera’s flash adds seven years.
The fake smile
“Say cheese!” Oh, boy, that always ruins it. Really, whenever I have to ‘pose’ for a photo, I always wind up looking like I’m about to get my driver’s license. If someone tells you to smile for a photo, don’t do it unless you really want to. Just stay as relaxed as possible, so your face muscles won’t grind into an unnatural and unflattering pose. It’s just a photo — there’s no need to become too self-conscious about it. Also, it’s best to keep your eyes open and chin up. This will get rid of double chin, up the nose shots, asymmetry caused by muscles twitching in the face, and shoulders pulled all the up to your ears and, most importantly, it will make you focus on something other than your horrible photographic past.
The instant shot
Tests with Air Force pilots have shown that they could identify the plane on a picture that was only shown for 1/220th of a second. While most of us aren’t fighter jet pilots, we’re capable of distinguishing between minute differences in highly succeeding frames. As far as people are concerned, however, the brain doesn’t pay attention to each individual facial expression that arises from moment to moment. Instead, the brain averages these out and discards momentary deviations, so when you’re talking to another person you’re actually looking at a corrected, fluid representation of that person’s face. Imagine consciously feeling every twitch of an eye or facial muscle, with hundreds of these every second. Thank you, brain!
A camera is a lot different though. It freezes a sub-second instant in time, complete with all the deformity you wouldn’t notice in average mode. Push the shutter multiple times, and choose your best photos. Good photographers might take even hundreds of photos before settling on the perfect one.
Do photos surprise reality?
Another way why photos make you look ugly is by comparison. Like we pointed out above, we’re used to seeing faces in real life that are moving in a fluid manner. Guess where you see the most photos on a day to day basis: billboards. Yup, those perfectly photoshopped faces. When you look at a photo, you’ll automatically compare it in your head with other photos you’ve seen, and most of these are of celebrities — photos of extremely graphically altered celebrities. It’s hard, but please stop comparing.
The takeaway is that you probably don’t look that bad in your photos, and you’re judging yourself too harshly. As long as you refrain from making stupid poses while taking pictures, you’re halfway to the perfect portrait.
Tags: photographystereo visionvision
The user added “The lens might not be the same focal length as your eyes. Most phone cameras are wider angle (lower number) than your own eye, which distorts features.”
Our mirror image is animated
One contributor wrote “…in a mirror you are moving. A lot of people are attractive because of how well they use their body, rather than their proportions. In a photo you lose all of that information”.
Photos capture us mid yawn. Or part way through smiling, with our eyes semi closed. Or shoving a chip into our mouths. As a particularly unphotogenic person, I can attest to the SCIENTIFIC FACT that photos capture us at our worst.
The mirror is far more dynamic, and I can pull my standard mirror face which I have worked on for many years.
A mirror flips the image
This theory posits that it’s actually the mirror distorting your face. Of course, a mirror flips the image, meaning everything you see is on the opposite side. So when we see a photograph of ourselves, which is not flipped “imperfections you’ve gotten used to over time are now new and surprising”.
A commenter said that because we are far more used to looking in the mirror, than looking at photos of ourselves, the latter will always seem odd. Our brain dislikes the image, because something doesn’t look quite right.
Flash is f*cked
Any human who has ever been photographed can attest to the universal truth that the camera flash is f*cked.
Tech site Gizmodo explains “flash illuminates subjects harshly, turning elegant faces normally accented by soft shadows into a flat, shadowless, cadaveric horror shows.”
Flash ROBS us of colour and the necessary shadows that give our faces (and bodies) definition. Flash routinely denies me my eyebrows/eyelashes/lips/nose, making it difficult to differentiate between a photo of me on a night out and Voldemort.
When the club photographer asks me to smile…Image via Warner Bros.
So in conclusion, all those revolting tagged photos that haunt us on Facebook are distorted, two dimensional representations of our (amazing) faces, that absolutely do not do us justice.
Next time you see a horrific photo of yourself and start yelling “I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT”, remember, your overwhelming beauty just hasn’t translated.
And it happens to the best of us.
Have you ever got yourself all glammed up for a special occasion, thought you looked fabulous in the mirror, and then been mildly horrified after seeing yourself in photos the next day?
Well, apparently, there’s a reason why many of us think we look much better in our reflection than we do in photographs, and it’s all down to seeing our face the wrong way round.
Professional photographer Kim Ayres wrote on Quora that ‘about 90% of people will say they hate having their photo taken and are the least photogenic person in their family.’
However, Kim found that when she flipped the person’s image on her computer, they preferred it.
‘We have spent our lives seeing our faces in the mirror, and we have become used to seeing our face that way round. So when we reverse that image, it doesn’t look right,’ explains Kim.
No one’s face is symmetrical, but when the asymmetry appears the opposite way round, it seems magnified because we’re not used to seeing it like that.
‘When you look at a family photo, or group shot, everyone else looks as you expect them to – the way you see them every day. But you don’t. Your face is the wrong way round to what you are expecting. So you think you are the unphotogenic one,’ concludes Kim.
So it’s not that you look bad at all – you’re just not used to seeing yourself that way!
Myth: “The photo I used was just what I really look like”
You’ve been misled.
You’ve been told that the camera doesn’t lie. (Myth.)
That photos show you just the way you are. (Myth.)
That pics = proof. (Myth.)
That bad pictures are the most “real.” (Myth.)
I’m not saying this to be “nice.” I’m saying it because it’s the reason we built Photofeeler in the first place.
Look, I don’t know you. You could be a fitness model or look like the bottom of a garbage can. But most of us tend to fall somewhere near average. And, for us, the difference between a bad and good picture can be genuinely consequential to our professional and dating lives.
One man’s dating pics rated on Photofeeler
Often, a new user will come to Photofeeler thinking, “This website can tell me how attractive I am! I want to know this about me!” But this is not what Photofeeler does.
What if the pictures you’re currently using, say on dating apps, aren’t as attractive as you are in real life?
Read on to learn 5 ways that pictures skew reality.
#1 Camera distortion warps your proportions
As illustrated by photographer Stephen EastwoodAs illustrated on Daniel’s Visionarium
Ever suspect that your forehead or nose looked larger in a particular picture than in real life?
More than likely, you were correct.
Camera distortion is ubiquitous in social media pictures — especially selfies. (See: Selfies Make Your Face Look Bad. Here’s why.)
The most common cause of camera distortion is that the subject is too close to the lens.
Most photographers say that the type of lens used also has a lot to do with it, and wide-angle lenses (like the ones in our camera phones) are big offenders.
#2 Going from 3D to 2D creates optical illusions
Real life is 3D. A picture is 2D.
This difference can have major implications.
For instance, when you’re standing in front of someone, you get a 3D sense of their size. Without that extra dimension, in photos, a human arm can look way smaller or larger than it really is.
For this reason, professional models learn to manipulate their body shape by moving parts of themselves closer or farther from the lens.
👏IT’S👏JUST👏ANGLES👏& different ways of standing👏· Neither one of these girls are “prettier”, BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME GIRL (ME)… ✔️JUST 5 SECONDS APART.” — Halle
Additionally, because a sharp bone structure doesn’t flatten out as much in the transition to 2D, angular faces are generally more photogenic than softer ones.
All in all, it’s helpful to understand that natural photogenicness is correlated with (but not the same as) attractiveness.
Left: model,Lily Cole. Right: world’s highest-paid supermodel, Gisele Bundchen.
Being attractive in person doesn’t automatically equal photogenic. And being naturally photogenic doesn’t automatically equal attractive in person.
Photographers have long been known to note the difference between the on-camera and off-camera appearances of famous models. (Kate Moss, for example, has been rumored to look quite ordinary in the flesh. Not that I can personally confirm or deny.)
#3 Most pictures are disappointing because your brain is like Photoshop
Our eyes (with help from our brain) automatically adjust to darkness and brightness.
Our cameras are not as amazing. They can be adjusted to focus on highlights or shadows, but never both at once.
As a result, sometimes we get these dark, creepy, or washed-out pictures that cause us to question, “Was that what I really looked like at the party?”
The answer is no, it’s not.
Another quirk of how we see in real life is about focus.
We automatically “edit out” unimportant, periphery details while zooming in on small windows of vision at a time.
What results is that pictures look cluttered, distracting, and crappy compared to what we had seen through our own two eyes.
And, if we’re not careful to notice the difference, we’re apt to use pictures with details that are unflattering to us.
#4 Movement matters a lot in person but not at all in photos
Photos are static and people are not.
Your personality, the sound of your voice, and yes, how you move your face and body, act as a strong filter that heavily influence whether people find you attractive or not. But you miss all of this in photos.
Haven’t we all met someone for the first time after seeing them in a picture and thought, “That’s not at all what I expected”? Even when their physical features were presented accurately? It was the lack of movement at play.
Additionally, people often have awkward expressions in pictures that no one would have noticed in real life. That’s because we remember a cumulative average of facial expressions rather than each specific movement.
As a consequence, sometimes we get photos of ourselves that are much worse than what we really look like!
Remember the Beyonce Super Bowl pictures debacle of 2013, anyone?
#5 Each photo exaggerates a specific story
Even more ways we humans are not visually static:
• We don’t stay in one setting 24/7
• We wear different clothes in different situations
• We behave differently at different times and in different situations
• Our mental and emotional states change by the second
Given this, showing the truth of who you are — even in a strictly physical sense — is impossible to do in one picture.
A “fair” description of what someone looks like might only be given after an extended in-person interaction.
A Princeton study confirmed this. They found that different photos of the same person are perceived as if they are completely different people.
Why is this? Because we go too far with assumptions based on a photo. If a guy’s wearing a white t-shirt in his only OkCupid picture, women will assume that’s his signature look. They’ll imagine he’s always wearing that t-shirt and making that same facial expression at every moment.
Logically, we all know this can’t be true, but subconsciously this is how our mind works.
So if you’re making a crazy face in your picture? Yeah, people will probably assume you’re 100% crazy.
Or if you look solemn and serious, they’re likely to assume that you’re never any fun.
Granted, our friends and family don’t see pictures of us this way because they know who we really are. They are just as blinded by bias as we are.
When you’re choosing a picture to use for a profile, you’ve got to imagine what certain settings, poses, facial expressions, etc., might be communicating to a stranger about who you are — given that they know nothing else about you.
Remember: it’s a picture, not you as a person
No one picture can tell the whole story of who you are or even what you look like.
The way you look and the way you look in a particular picture are different matters.
When an average-looking guy’s photo receives an Attractiveness score of 2 on Photofeeler, that guy might wish he were more attractive. But the truth is he’s already much better-looking than that score in real life. He’s just taking bad pics.
Turns out, when someone swipes on your Tinder profile, they’re liking or rejecting the idea of you that they got from your pics. That’s not nearly the same as judging you in real life, as a new set of pics can easily result in 10x the matches.
Photofeeler is a tool for testing profile pics, as seen in Time, Forbes, The Today Show, and more. Know for certain how you’re coming across in your business, social, and dating pictures. It’s free to use here.
Want to improve the way you look in portraits, or improve the portraits that you shoot? Here are 9 common reasons people look awful in portraits and tips on how to fix them.
#1: The shooting angle is too low
Generally, the lens should be above your eye level for a more flattering photo. Here’s a pretty dramatic example:
Either hold the camera little higher (if it’s a selfie), ask the photographer to hold the camera a little higher, find a taller friend to shoot the photo, or bend your knees a little to even the odds. Also, tilt your chin down a little (but not too far) — no one wants to see what’s up your nose.
#2: You are too close or far
Faces look different depending on the distance between the lens and the face.
This is why sometimes people think they look great in a mirror but terrible in photos. To find your best range, have a friend use a camera with a zoom to take multiple shots of you looking at the camera with your face filling the frame each time — look through them and see which one you like best. You can usually narrow it down to close, medium, or quite far away. Once you know, ask the photographer to either back off and zoom in or come closer and zoom out so distance between you is within your most flattering range.
#3: Your eyes aren’t smiling
Obviously, you want to smile in photos, but the eyes are just as important as the mouth. To give a confident “eye smile”, try a technique called “squinching.” This involves squinting the lower eyelid while only allowing the top lid to come down slightly.
Give it a try in the mirror now. See how much more confident and appealing you look?
#4: Your body position is wrong
Having a photo taken of your head and shoulders at a 90-degree position to the camera makes the photo look a bit like a mugshot. Turn one of your shoulders slightly towards the lens to break away from that. Your shoulders should be at about a 30-degree angle to the lens. Here’s an example from a pro shoot for one Dr. Anthony Romeo:
Doing this is also really flattering if you are a bit wider — it slims you. Also, push your shoulders back and down a little to lengthen your neck and improve the look of your upper torso. We don’t want hunched shoulders, right?
#5: You smiled for too long and it went weird
Smiling for extended periods on command is hard, as I’m sure you know. The longer you smile the more fake it will generally look and sometimes, especially in a group photo, it takes a while for people to faff around and get ready. Ask the person taking the shot to count it down 3, 2, 1 so you can spend only a second or two smiling and posing.
#6: You weren’t paying attention or you weren’t ready
When a photo is being taken, give it your full attention to avoid those awkward mouth-open, crazy-eye shots. Don’t look away from the camera. Don’t take this moment to talk to or respond to someone talking to you. Try not to blink. Just do your thing and pose for these few seconds.
#7: You pulled a face
Don’t get me wrong, if you’re going for a photo where you look like you just don’t really give a rat’s how you look, go for it. But generally, poking your tongue out, pulling a face, pouting etc. looks stupid and can make the difference between a shot you’ll be proud of and something you’ll look at once, chuckle, and never want to see again. Resist the urge, or if you just can’t, ask the photographer to take two shots, one nice one and then one less serious. Compare them later and see which one you and your friends like best.
#8: You only took one photo and didn’t check it
Don’t be afraid to ask for another shot if you feel like you messed it up: you may only be in that situation once and sometimes you blink or generally just mess up. Ask to see the shot after it’s taken and do it over if you like. Get involved and interested in creating a nice image.
#9: You’re generally ‘not into it’
Some people don’t like having their photo taken, sure. But if you realise you are going to have to be in one, accept that. If you can’t avoid it, you might as well try to look your best, right? A lot of the time people hate having their photo taken because they think they always look awful or have low self-esteem. If you put in zero effort, you will probably get a poor result, just like most things in life, right? Reading through and understanding these tips will help to change that and have better photos taken of you.
#10: Bonus tip: You look good in your own way
We are all different and that’s what makes us wonderful so don’t shy away from having your photo taken. Be a part of it and put your best face forward with a bit of positivity and a little knowledge. You are not as ugly as you think.
About the author: Luke Appleby is a photographer, videographer, journalist, and Photoshopper based in Auckland, New Zealand. He’s good with cars, cameras, and cats. As an experienced freelance photojournalist, Appleby is available to shoot a diverse range of assignments. You can connect with him through his website, Twitter, and Facebook.
Image credits: Header photo from The Bride of Frankenstein/Universal Pictures, silly face photo by Adam Edmond
The Problems, As I See Them (In Photographs)
As a member1 of the Liberal Coastal Media Elite, I often have the opportunity to have my picture taken at various events around the city. To be clear, I’m not proud of this fact. If anything, getting my photo taken, especially at fancy and often sweaty functions, is a humbling experience—one I repeat several times a month, depending on the season. Because see, while my photo is taken at nearly every event, my pics are rarely counted among the shots brands and fellow Liberal Coastal Media Elites use when creating galleries of said events. It’s like I never attended at all.2
I’m not complaining.3 While it’s always a little thrilling to see your picture in the media, I respect the choice to not include me. After looking at pictures of myself for the past 30-something years, I’ve come to understand a painful truth: I am not photogenic. Some people, somehow, consistently look up to 30% better in photographs. For me, it’s the opposite. At least, I hope it is.
I have it on pretty good authority4 that I’m not ugly. I just don’t know how to look not ugly in a picture, at least on the fly. Give me a few minutes and several dozen chances, and I’ll come up with something worthy of Facebook (but that’s true of literally everybody). It is odd: we put so much faith in the power of photography to capture our reality, and yet if I were to accept photos of me as genuine representations of how I look, I would never leave the house, let alone attend media events with Toronto’s most Instagrammable semi-famous personal brands.
But, you’re saying, it is an accurate depiction of how you look. That’s what cameras do. Yes, but it’s how I look at the exact time the picture is taken. I’m not claiming that picture-taking technology is to blame, nor am I casting aspersions at the talented folks5 who take pictures with that technology. This is my problem: I just don’t have a Photo Face.
Despite being a proud member of the most photographed generation, I’ve never settled on the right combination of smile, head tilt, and directional orientation to create a consistent representation of my most handsome self. We’ve all flicked through a friend or potential romantic partner’s photos and been stunned by their Groundhog Day ability to make the exact same face and adopt the exact same posture every time their picture is taken.
It takes work, I’m sure. That’s what selfies—and mirrors, back when they were called “photos you took of yourself” and you had to pay for them6—are for. It’s trial and error, and it usually starts around puberty. I know the process of finding a Photo Face. In my teenage years, I spent a lot of time looking at mirrors. I learned exactly how to look sultry in a wounded, sensitive way—a skill that every young man should have—I just could never find that Pinup Mojo when the cameras come out.
The problem, of course, is my smile. And here I use smile as a synecdoche7 to mean my teeth mostly, but also mouth shape and general vibe projected by my grin. Let’s look at the evidence.
Exhibit A. Baseline
How innocent I was. How unencumbered by doubt and self-awareness. And, clearly, how excited I was that I had learned how to use a blow dryer all by myself. If I appear especially polished for a second grader, it is likely as a response to the previous year where I forgot it was picture day and I came to school looking like a hungover drummer in an indie band. Here, I’m put together, but you can see foreshadowing of the problems ahead. Namely: my teeth clearly aren’t growing in straight, and my Hudson nose—an essential component of my face’s personal brand—leans ever so slightly toward the piggish. Also, there are hints here that my face has potential for rotundity. These are the issues that a good Photo Face will hide or diminish.
Exhibit B. Photo Session for One
This is the most unattractive I’ve ever been in my entire life. Why 11-year-old Greg decided that this day would be THE day to take several selfies is a mystery only a prepubescent boy with long hair, demon teeth, and a cold sore the size of Florida could answer.
I clearly have not mastered a Photo Face.
Exhibit C. Graduation
Thanks to Dr. Mo8, by the time I graduated, my teeth were pretty straight. Though, thanks to my antipathy toward my retainer, my teeth would not be as perfect in a few years. Puberty has also been kind and, at least here, my face appears baby-fat free.
However, this photo does highlight the vibe problem that my smile projects. This is the natural shape of my smile. If I’m truly happy in a picture, and not just posing, this is my smile. It’s not repulsive. It’s just goofy. I look like an effeminate yokel. You see this face and you can’t help but assume that my laugh would be transposed as a “Hyuk-hyuk.”
This is the problem that exists to this day, and it is why I rarely genuinely smile in photos.
Exhibit D. Attempted Solutions
As I’ve aged, my face shape has gone through changes, waxing and waning in roundness. I’ve both lost and found my chin and cheekbones over the years. But, while a smile not look as goofy on my more adult face,9 my front tooth prevents me from going toothy. As photographs have become more ubiquitous, I’ve needed to find work arounds.
Photo Face Attempt #1: The Happy Shock
Closed mouths can seem more content than happy, and events and public celebrations aren’t a place for contentedness. So, my workaround was to keep my mouth open in an “O” shape, as if to convey the surprising amount of fun I’m having, and how excited I am—though also still very surprised—that you brought a camera here. This was a fine solution as a young adult, but a man in his thirties ought not to be so excitable.
Photo Face Attempt #2: The Semi-Ironic Smoulder
Mouth closed, head tilted down to minimize both pig nose and potential double chin. I’m projecting cool authority. Only I introduce a new problem: my long face is suddenly longer. And, also, I look like a real grump because even though it seems like I could be joking in a Zoolander sort of way, the irony only half registers.
Photo Face Attempt #3: The Smize
Here is roughly where we’re at now. Closed mouth, but with a wry uplift at the edges. All the excitement and revelry moves to the eyes.
This doesn’t help the head height problem, but it’s the compromise I’ve arrived at. The goofiness is minimized, the teeth are hidden, but I still seem somewhat approachable. My lips though, can easily become too pursed, aging me prematurely. Also, most events are sweaty—at least they are to me, a man who sweats—which means my conservative closed mouth smile can come off as exhausted. Look at that poor sweaty man, people must say, he’s too tired to even smile.
As far as I can tell, there is only one solution: patience.
It’s a vicious cycle, really. I don’t care to have my picture taken, because don’t think I look great, and so I don’t sit for more than one photo, which means that one photo will likely be shit, which only reinforces my aversion to pictures.
What I need to do is become one of those people who care so much that they check the photo on the camera screen. Those people are the worst. But they have the best smiles.
|1.||I was going to call myself a “card-carrying member,” but unfortunately, I don’t actually have business cards. Though, being in the Liberal Coastal Media Elite, I certainly have occasion to receive other people’s business cards, so the description could still apply. (Also, a footnote on the second word? That’s got to be some kind of Title record.)|
|2.||Or that I am a vampire.|
|3.||It’s a hell of a drug, that fame. People will do the wildest things to be seen and known: Do the Harlem Shake; pose for a demeaning beefcake shot in a tabloid newspaper; run for President.|
|4.||See Edmonton Sun for Tuesday, August 14, 2001. If you’d like a copy of the relevant portion, please feel free to reach out.|
|6.||Plus, you’d have to look at the Wal-Mart photo developer in the eye, knowing that they probably mistook all your hard work for mere narcissism.|
|7.||You’re damn right I had to look up that word. I have to look it up whenever I use it. Not just because I always forget how to spell it, but because, like Charlie Kaufman, I get it confused with the city in upstate New York. But, in case you don’t remember grade 12 English, that’s when a part of something stands in for the whole thing. Like, “all hands on deck,” or “I hate that dick in the White House.”|
|8.||That is his real name. If you’re ever in Edmonton, and you need some braces, look him up!|
|9.||Oh, but it does.|